A little lost

It's been weird the last couple of days without my friend Carma.  I used to run over to her house several times a day, scramble her eggs for breakfast, grab a taco salad from Taco Time for her dinner and keep her stocked with evergreen Lifesavers.

Being a caregiver is hard when the person you have cared for is gone.  All of sudden, you wander around trying to find your purpose in life again.  Your job just vanishes without warning.  The kids have been gone for the New Years celebration with their dad and without Carma to keep me company, it's been pretty quiet and lonely.

Her family is busy getting things ready for the funeral this week and I feel like I should be doing more but it's not like I have known her all 76 years of her life, just the past 8.  The boys were asked to be Pall Bearers and that is really special.  When they were asked, you could see this reverence and respect for Carma rest gently on their shoulders.  It's quite an honor, she has several older grandkids and sons who could easily fill the roll and they have included the boys in it.

I still can't believe she's gone.  I found myself this morning, making plans of things to do with Carma on this first day of a new year but there are no plans to be had.  She's happy now, hopefully taking long walks on legs that finally work and a heart that beats steadily and with that cheerfulness I had come to love.

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