What is it that you want?

What on earth has happened to humanity?  The country is in commotion but why?

Because one man, albeit another man, in a list of many, was treated in extreme and horrifying ways at the hands of another? 

Is that why?  

Is it because we truly don't understand that a black life matters? 

Can it really be because I was born White with privileges no one else has?

Are we still so ignorant to think that this is the cause of unrest?

Apparently, yes, we are too ignorant to consider the root cause of all the anger and rage, all the sides, all the voices that shout and argue.  All the riots and rage are nothing more than agendas of the antagonistic.  The protests have lost sight of their purpose, from the first lost breath.  Black lives matter, anti-racism, white privilege are all reactionary rhetoric to further project racism and prejudice.  These are programs, political views, media driven, anti-humanity angst that pit one against another; a myopic view of a broader issue. 

Over the past couple of days, I have listened to the words of Dr. Ibram X. Kendi an African American man who has, over the years engaged in discussions of racism versus anti-racism.  In one particular talk, he told the story of an experience he had when he was a young boy in Episcopal School.  He spoke of how he was mistreated.  He dug in his heels when he was able to recognize the mistreatment he received compared to the white children.  He and other children of color were looked down upon, from his perspective.  The white child was favored to answer questions, run errands, sit in the front desks of the classroom.  One day, he refused to leave the Chapel.  Several teachers tried to convince him, scare him, intimidate him into leaving; dangling punishment above his head.  It wasn't until the Principal was called in, and simply asked, "What is it that you want?" that he quietly left the chapel after a brief discussion of mutual understanding.

Young Ibram Kendi just wanted to be heard.  He switched schools and by his own admission, began to see what he was capable of.  

Did some anti-racist agenda change?

Did the new school raise their flag that Black Lives Matter?

Did the white people there use their privilege to give him a leg up?

No.  Dr. Ibram said, he was heard. 

He finally had a teacher who saw him.  Heard him.   A teacher who could see in him the endless possibility that comes with human life. 

For the first time in this tumult, I understood.  I heard what he was saying. He wasn't asking for more policies of fairness, or government, or movements.  He wasn't asking for attention in the form of posters, hashtags, GoFund Me-s and graffiti. That may have been someone else's answer.  

NO, he wanted to be heard. 

Anger, rage, calling out one life that matters, negates the voices and needs of everyone. It is divisive.  It perpetuates the agenda of racism but more importantly prejudice against all.  

I have read countless attacks today on social media, upon innocent people just trying to understand.  People just trying to be kind and unite their friends.  People with an opinion, just trying to do the best they can. People trying to raise a voice that every life matters, because every life does matter! In the ignorance of a few, name calling and accusations ensued, the very behavior these so called people who consider themselves caring activists, are trying to eliminate, for people of color!  So, we live small, well below our means and our privilege.  All of us, everyone of us, continues to live in fear of something much bigger than a police force but rather a force of a few, policing what we say and how we feel, especially when it differs from their personal script.  

It's mindless.  There is no argument to be won, if the underlying emotion can not be controlled.  According to Dr. Stephen Porges, a distinguished Professor of Psychiatry at the University of North Carolina, and founder of the Traumatic Stress Research at Indiana University;  you literally can not hear when you are in a defensive state. 

The truth is, we are in a world of hurt.  We don't need to be fixed, we need to be listened to.  We don't need more power or policy.  We don't need to patronize Black people or fight for them or any other color of people.  They are strong and have lived a life to be proud of.  They have risen above oppression.  They have fought a good fight and yet here we are, writing their story for them, stepping in with an agenda that we didn't ask if they wanted. 

Just like the ignorance that met Dr. Ibram Kendi in that chapel one day, no one thought to just simply ask what it was he wanted, until it was too late, and a spirit had been broken.

We need to stop this madness.  We need to be witnessed.  Listen to one another's stories.  Everyone deserves a voice that is heard.  When we don't listen, we are ultimately rewriting the story of others to fit our own agenda and that is exactly what happened today and yesterday and the day before that and it will continue to happen. 

Our behavior is a reflex of our own pain, our own disappointments and mistreatment.  Our behavior is to protect our own self, because maybe, we saw a little something familiar in the experience of George Floyd; a vulnerability we spend our days running from, and rather than run up the white flag of surrender, to our own discomfort and fear, we keep our swords of someone else's script, drawn. 

It is in the mobilization of hurt, that we have inadvertently created a world that is no longer safe.  In mobilizing, we think we are fixing, but we are deaf to the pleas for attention, love and caring...not for fixing. 

Oh, it's a sad, sad day.  Hearts are breaking.  We are in desperate need of healing, and quiet; a stilling of our souls to catch our breath.   Maybe today, we could simply ask those around us..."What is it that you want?"