Harder than Usual
For whatever reason, today has been a harder day than usual.
Maybe I know the reason...
Today, Spencer got his immunizations for Africa; Yellow Fever and Typhoid. Yellow Fever is a live vaccine. They actually put a live virus of a deadly disease into my immune compromised son who is still fighting the same virus he's had since January 1st. It's been a difficult and crazy day, living with this thought, and the kind of anxiety one dreads. My insides are tangled up in what feels like inconsolable thoughts of doom.
As a mom of three kids with a fatal bone marrow disease, I swore to myself, no matter what, I would let them live large. I go to great lengths, farther than anyone on this earth can comprehend, to hide my worry and fears from them, and it comes at a cost. A huge cost to my own well-being and health, but one they will never know or understand.
Going to Africa to make this documentary is a dream of Spencer's. He feels passionate about the cause and from a career standpoint, will ultimately be an incredible portfolio piece. The Government won't even let him get on the plane without these immunizations as well as a medication he will start taking once he gets there, for Malaria. This is a nightmare of a setup for a person in a precarious health situation such as this.
So, as is customary in times such as this, I am needing to dig deep to find some resolve in the Great Plan of Happiness. Find that knowing place that Spencer is held safely in the hands of his Great Creator and will survive this trip.
It isn't helpful that it occurred to me that Shelbie's spine deterioration may be more serious than I once considered and I have to have the tough conversation with our doctor if this is an MS thing or even a Multiple Myeloma. She has been fighting neuropathy in her lower legs for weeks now and I didn't connect the two problems as a possible correlation, in fact, I didn't even think about asking the doctor about the neuropathy. I'm waiting for that call.
Tomorrow, I will leave to take Sam down to the hospital. So, it all just happened at once, like a perfect storm that is creating some uncomfortable feelings for me...well, basically, I feel like I'm drowning. I don't know why this never gets easy.
Maybe I know the reason...
Today, Spencer got his immunizations for Africa; Yellow Fever and Typhoid. Yellow Fever is a live vaccine. They actually put a live virus of a deadly disease into my immune compromised son who is still fighting the same virus he's had since January 1st. It's been a difficult and crazy day, living with this thought, and the kind of anxiety one dreads. My insides are tangled up in what feels like inconsolable thoughts of doom.
As a mom of three kids with a fatal bone marrow disease, I swore to myself, no matter what, I would let them live large. I go to great lengths, farther than anyone on this earth can comprehend, to hide my worry and fears from them, and it comes at a cost. A huge cost to my own well-being and health, but one they will never know or understand.
Going to Africa to make this documentary is a dream of Spencer's. He feels passionate about the cause and from a career standpoint, will ultimately be an incredible portfolio piece. The Government won't even let him get on the plane without these immunizations as well as a medication he will start taking once he gets there, for Malaria. This is a nightmare of a setup for a person in a precarious health situation such as this.
So, as is customary in times such as this, I am needing to dig deep to find some resolve in the Great Plan of Happiness. Find that knowing place that Spencer is held safely in the hands of his Great Creator and will survive this trip.
It isn't helpful that it occurred to me that Shelbie's spine deterioration may be more serious than I once considered and I have to have the tough conversation with our doctor if this is an MS thing or even a Multiple Myeloma. She has been fighting neuropathy in her lower legs for weeks now and I didn't connect the two problems as a possible correlation, in fact, I didn't even think about asking the doctor about the neuropathy. I'm waiting for that call.
Tomorrow, I will leave to take Sam down to the hospital. So, it all just happened at once, like a perfect storm that is creating some uncomfortable feelings for me...well, basically, I feel like I'm drowning. I don't know why this never gets easy.
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