Father's Day and Such

Today has been a big day.  Well, of course it's Father's Day and that's big!

 I'm grateful for good parents; a great father.  I'm grateful my dad has been faithful, wise and loving.  He has set an example for me and my kids of faith and charity.  Growing up, he was always helping others and doing wonderful things the money and talents he has been blessed with and without a doubt, his family was on the receiving end of this kindness.  I'm mostly happy that my kids have such a man to look up to.

And these days...good men are hard to come by.

I'm also grateful for my sons who are growing up to be faithful, good men.  They struggle but they hang in there.

Today, also marked the 13th anniversary of my divorce.  It's so hard to believe that I have been doing this single mom gig for over a decade.  13 years ago, I had no hope for surviving my singleness.  I had no hope that I could amount to anything let alone take care of my family.   I often thought, back then, that if I could survive a divorce, I would be able to survive anything at all. 

Funny how our perspective changes; how we grow into our trials, the very things that nearly crush us.  Not a day goes by that I don't feel some regret in some way, over this.  I wonder if maybe there was something more I could have done...I will always wish and wonder, I think.

Saturday, I drove Shelbie to a family photo shoot up in the mountains, by the river.  A young couple and their two little kids were in tow and they seemed perfect in every way.  I wanted so badly to video the moment so that at some distant day, when life is hard and the world weighs them down and they want to give up, and the word 'divorce' is thrown around haphazardly, I would show them the video..."Remember how happy you were this day?  Remember how you made each other smile?  Remember that you thought you were the luckiest people alive and everything was perfect?"

Maybe our biggest crime in life is forgetting to remember.  So, tonight, I am remembering how far we have come and in many ways, we are less broken than ever and stronger than I could have imagined.

We have some rough moments ahead this week.  Spencer is officially out of money and out of work.  He has been fasting and praying and attending the temple and applying for many jobs.  He's in the 11th hour and waiting patiently is almost more of a struggle than the actual trial.

I spent most of Friday and Saturday afternoon in communications with our Immunologist.  My insurance denied Sam's plasma treatments at home.  It's going to be a fight and a hassle to get that approved.  In the meantime, Sam is in a very precarious position.  They wanted me to have him admitted Friday at our local hospital but I told them I wouldn't do it.  Sam has had a trip to a big trampoline park in Utah planned for Friday and Saturday.  He begged and pleaded to not go to the hospital.   He hasn't been running a fever so I let him go to Utah.  I justified this decision with the fact that  he was closer to the hospital there if anything went South. 

Saturday, it was decided that they will make arrangements for him to start receiving plasma transfusions and IV Antibiotics here at the hospital.  He is congested and getting a cold so that has everyone getting a little anxious considering his counts are soooo low again.  This news was met with a great deal of frustration and upset when I told Sam.  I did convince the team to let him be outpatient at the Huntsman Satellite Clinic here.  I will take him up daily for treatment.  Hospitals are the worst places for sick people so I hate inpatient visits.

So, that's the plan for the week.  And...I almost burned the kitchen down tonight, quite literally so I will post more on that tomorrow!  Whew...it's been a big day! 


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