Heart and Home

Sam and I made it home last night.  It was a long, quiet, upsetting ride but when we walked in the door, the kitchen was full of friends cheering for Sam!  It was the greatest thing ever!  It made all the difference to Sam and he felt so loved and watched over. It was Spencer and Shelbie's idea!

They made him this great poster.

They kept him busy all evening so I could go to work.  When I got home, his spirit was definitely lighter and he seemed okay so I went to bed.  At about 2 am, he woke me up and was not okay.  He is having some issues with post trauma I think.  He has not been able to sleep well all week long.

Today has been a little more of the same, just trying to adjust to our new life.  He is still having lots of breathing issues and he is still having palpitations.  He has been asking me to take his vitals every few hours because he is worried something is going wrong.  I gladly check it and each time it's dead on 60 with exception...

He is so winded.  Worse than before getting a pacemaker.  He can't get anywhere without being completely out of breath, even trying to get something from the lower cabinets in the kitchen.  We did a little test earlier today...I put the pulse ox on him and tested his oxygen and resting heart rate then he kept it one while he walked upstairs to his bedroom.  His heart rate shot up to 107 bpm.  He wasn't running or anything, just a slow walk that took less than 10 seconds.  His oxygen dipped from 98 to 92 and his heart rate didn't settle back down for several minutes.

Then, I did the very same thing.  My heart rate went from 68 to 81 and within 2 seconds, it was back down to 68. So, something is not right but maybe it's just his heart and autonomic nervous system trying to figure this new pace out.  There has to be some sort of adjustment period so I'm trying to be patient and let things heal before I get all excited about it.  I do worry that the pacemaker only fixed one issue, as we had discussed, it may not be covering all the other abnormalities.  I kind of cringed when I heard Sam say...I don't want this if I'm going to feel like this!

Last night, we got his monitor set up in his room.  He has a dedicated cell phone and a home base.  This connects to his pacemaker and information is relayed through the cell phone.  It took some patience getting that set up, it kept showing that something was wrong the pacemaker and I was trying to read instructions, while staying calm and that was tricky!  We finally got the green light and a steady beating heart so that was a relief.  We just have to remain confident that we have done all we can do and the rest is basically up to God.  I know that I will know or Sam will know when waiting and watching is not enough but for now, we are proceeding with caution and trying not to worry.
I got to read the owner's manual in the hospital.  I think this box should have come with a live human being to come home with me for back-up. 

As long as we have a small green light and a steady, white heart, Sam's alive.  Anything else and there's a problem.  He will be monitored everyday, all day for the rest of his life.  I know it shouldn't matter but the bill coming my way has me all freaked out! 

Easier said than done...

How am I...You ask?  This pretty much sums up my state of mind right now.

Like walking into the spider web of life...a little frazzled.   Seriously!

On Wednesday afternoon, as we started pulling out of my stall in the hospital parking garage, a moth flew out from somewhere on the driver's side and...well, let's just say it wasn't a pretty sight.  I freaked out!  You would have thought I was running from a terrorist.  I almost scraped along the concrete wall beside me as I forgot what I was doing- driving! I had a chunk of hair stuck in my mouth, my sweater was caught up on the back of seat, I bruised my arm trying to claw my way out the air conditioning vents... Sam just looked at me in unbelief.  When the moth finally left through Sam's open window, he just looked at me stone faced and said, "You alright?" and then rolled his eyes! Ha ha.  I just cleared my throat and proceeded as if nothing had happened, nonchalantly  putting my hair back in place.

Thursday morning I let him sleep until we had to check out.  I woke him up, helped him get dressed (He can't get his shirts on without help) and then I packed stuff down to the car and returned the room keys.  When I left the room, he was sitting on the bed, ready to go.  When I got back to the room, he didn't answer the door.  I knocked, then pounded, then called through the door.  It was the 'spider web' scenario all over again...I grabbed the nearest housekeeper and begged her to open the door for me.  I was trying to explain to her that my son had just had heart surgery and he wasn't answering the door.  She just kept nodding her head 'no'.  I kept saying 'YES!' , 'Please!  Something is wrong!  He was waiting for me to come right back.'  We clearly didn't speak the same language of panic.  She finally unlocked it but was clearly angry...I did interpret that correctly!

Sam was not in the room but the bathroom door was closed.  I pounded on the bathroom door, no answer so by now, I'm singing in my head..."Another one bites the dust...Another one bites the dust..." just getting into my rhythm for starting CPR and I'm covered in those darn 'spider webs', completely irrational! Now it's funny, then, it was not.  Turns out he was just using the bathroom.  I just couldn't hear him answering me, probably because Crazy Kat had made an appearance.

Anyways, I have a bunch of stories like this...just irrational, crazy stuff.  We are little on edge I guess. It's just a bit harder than I thought it was going to be but we're home for a few days til the fun winds up again next week.  



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