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Sunsets

The idea of sunsets comes to mind with the writing of this post.

We see beautiful sunsets in this neck of the woods.  Absolutely beautiful, full of vibrant colors.  Sometimes, they are breathtaking.  I always look a sunset with pure wonder. I never worry that it's the last sunset I will ever see in my life.  I never look at with a critical eye thinking God could have really used a little more burnt orange or deep purple.  I don't complain that it didn't last long enough.

Life this weekend reminded me of sunsets.  Somehow, I feel like I am watching the sun set on my life, my family.  The only difference is, I am watching the beauty of my kids unfold but I worry that this will be my last sunset.  I wonder why it can't last longer.  Having teenagers has been my favorite stage of life.  I adore teenagers.  I adore my teenagers.  I didn't have them young for long enough.  On goes my complaining.

I remember well, the early morning feedings, up all night...before the sunrise.  I remember life with the sun at high noon and they had adventures to attend to and growing to do. Their laughter filled the house and friends were close, and Popsicles dripped and snow cones cooled the summer heat, bonfires, late nights, drive in movies in pajamas...all of the best memories culminating into one weekend.  A weekend with a beautiful sunset but I want more.

I just can't stand that my kids are grown up.  I seriously can't stand it!  My mid-life continues to unravel.  Why hasn't anyone warned me about this stage of life?  So unfair.  I cringe at the pace at which time passes.

Sam had a great 18th birthday and Prom.  I spent the day making corsages for him and his friends.  It took a huge part of the afternoon.  When Sam walked into the kitchen with his Tuxedo on, ready to pick up his date, my heart melted!  He is so handsome and such a fine young man.  I couldn't be happier.  I had to fight back the tears that were dusted with the salt of sadness that he wasn't my little boy anymore.

Orchids and Roses for Sam's sweetheart.

Another corsage I made...


Sam and Kamry
 And then, as if Sam's big day wasn't enough, Spencer sent me this picture from a beach in Oregon.  He's been gone a week on his wanderings of the Pacific Northwest.  I have spent every day worrying about him but he's been great to send me a Snapchat first thing in the morning and again late at night so I know he is alive.  Sometimes in between, he sends a text or a picture.


I had to look twice at this picture!  Admittedly, he looks a little scruffy with that beard but he looks like a man!  I look at this picture and he looks happy and peaceful.  It's the best I've seen him since his mission.  I know he's happy!  He is so happy and that makes me happy.

Still...I wish I could just make time stop so I can bask in this sunset and try to figure out what comes next...What does one do when you can't do what you've always done?  My family has been my greatest blessing and accomplishment, even in spite of my shortcomings and weaknesses, my imperfections.

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Comments

  1. I am right with you. Sunsets are usually beautiful. This sunset at this time in life is sad. my boy put on his cap and gown in front of me tonight and I started to tear up. Danae exclaimed "are you crying?" Uh NO!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am right there with you my friend. You put it into words souch better than I ever could. It is literally ripping my heart out that my last is graduating. I don't think I know who I am anymore. On a side note, what a great picture of Spencer! He looks happy and healthy!

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  3. Beautifully said, Kathy. You are a gifted writer. You corsages are gorgeous!

    ReplyDelete

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