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Firsts and Lasts

Last night, we celebrated a last for our family.

Our last Senior Spotlight at church.  Sam's ward has a really cool way of honoring the graduates and last night, it was Sam's turn.  They asked the parents the set up a table with objects that describe their son or daughter who is graduating.  They also have the parents write down 5 things they love about their senior and they also put together a slide about the kids.  They do a great job. I'm always impressed with the effort they make.

I have always had a tender heart for all the firsts...first tooth, first steps, first day at school, first day in Primary at church...and I always cringe with sadness at the last things we do...and of course... the last time we will ever do something.

Last night, I felt so emotional as they were spotlighting Samuel.  My heart didn't feel much joy at this event.  I felt awfully proud of Sam but sad that this chapter of our life is coming to a close.  I think I was the only parent who actually shed a tear and trust me, if I wasn't surrounded by people, I would have let the water works go!   I think in the moment they called him up to the front, I saw him become a young man.  Right before my eyes!  I couldn't believe it.  He was no longer my little one.

He was pretty embarrassed because the 5 things we wrote about took two pages.  Some of the other parents only used 5 words and brief explanations.  Afterwards, Sam asked why we rambled on...Sam can not be summed up in 5 words.  He is much more than that.

I don't usually do much socializing while at events in my kids ward.  That is the ward I use to be in pre-divorce and as is always the case, people seem to choose sides. When I got divorced, I chose to have my kids go to their dad's every weekend instead of every other weekend just because I wanted church to be the one constant in their life.  Because of that, no one in my ward ever saw my kids with me and so assumed that I didn't have custody of my kids.  The people in my Wasband's ward saw my kids every week and every Tuesday for activities so they assumed that he had full custody.  So, whenever I go to these events, I feel like a stranger, an outsider and a total screw up as a mom.

Nevertheless, it was a good night. I tried not to let the past creep too far into my head.  Sam was happy and that is all that matters. Me...I'm not ready for all these final chapter bullet points this month.

As I set up Sam's table, it was striking how well rounded he is.  We displayed his slackline, his long board, the fishing pole he made, pottery he has thrown on a wheel and sculpted and pictures of him doing Parkour. 

Sam with his good friends.  Taylor and Sam are on the left and on the right is another friend Hayden.  Sam and Hayden were born just a week apart and spent every week playing together as littles.  Divorce moved us across town and we lost touch in the busyness of raising our kids but now they are back together again, in the same ward because of more boundary shifts.  They are all great kids!

Next up for Sam...Prom! 



  1. I promise, you were not the only emotional one. I was right there with you.


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