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Heaven Help Me!

I'm not sure if this is a normal thing for those of us who live the life of chronic illness but every now and again, I get to the end of the proverbial rope.  The strange thing is, it never seems to happen when we are in the throws of problems, it seems to happen when things are relatively quiet and calm on the health front.  That is so annoying because then the quiet and calm is ruined with uptight and anxiety.

Every little thing is bugging me!  Every little thing is setting me off.  I'm not normally like this.  I don't really understand what is happening really.  I guess I don't realize how much things build up inside and when it's safe, and life is quiet, it bubbles up and overflows.

Early this morning, I'm talking EARLY...Shelbie came into my room to wake me up saying we needed to go to the hospital.  She had IVIG on Friday and has been suffering all weekend with the headache.  I have made every effort to put together a cocktail to keep her comfortable but it was no longer working.  For some reason, instead of touching me on the shoulder, or shaking me, punching me in the face...she put her hand in my side.  I FREAKED out!!!

I screamed and was ready to plow her in the face!  Of course it was dark, it is always the darkest before dawn and I couldn't really see her nor could I hear her and I thought I was having a heart attack.  It's been a long time since my adrenaline raced quite that fast!  When I realized it was her, I flopped down on my bed to pull myself together.

Lucky for me, I had fallen asleep in my clothes, so it was convenient that we could just leave.  I didn't even care how I looked.

The hospital was aggravating to me!  They were so slow even though they hardly had any patients.  It took everything I had to not yell and scream!  They wanted to take her picture as we checked in.  I said, "Really?  Can you see she can't even lift her head up on her own?  Can I email you a picture of her.  Taking a picture now, is going to look worse than a mugshot."

It took 45 minutes of a very tired nurse asking the same questions in different ways.  I just want to give her a tight hug around her neck! We are there all the freaking time!! They know us, they know our history...why the red tape...every time?

Thankfully, by the time that nurse finished wasting our time, in walked my best friend!  She is an ER nurse! They were changing shifts!  So, then our visit turned around and her and another nurse who use to be Shelbie's home health nurse about 10 years ago, took care of things.  We didn't even see the ER doctor until we were ready to be discharged.  He didn't even question why we were there, just got things rolling.  I so appreciated not having to ramble on about things with him too!  Having efficient people at the hospital makes all the difference!

In other annoying Wasband and I decided to sell our old Subaru in order to pay for repairs on one of the other pieces of junk we own.  We sold it Saturday night but the new owners hadn't picked it up yet.  Sunday morning, some guy messing around on his cell phone, slammed into the car with his car!  He hit it with so much force that it pushed the car up onto the front yard. Completely totaled it!  We could have been rude and let it be the new owners problem but we are taking the hit and gave them back their money.  Sadly, the kid who hit it is from Saudi Arabia and didn't have insurance on his vehicle.  We didn't have insurance on the car because of the sale. isn't looking good.  We will probably just sell off parts and pieces and junk it.

In good news!  Sam got a job at the cemetery!  It's just a part time job that will only last 7 weeks but it's going to be a good job for him.  He will be taking care of the grounds there every day.  He might even get to dig some graves!  Just kidding...I'm sure they have more experienced men for that.

In other good news!  Spencer left his last area today.  He will spend the next two days with his Mission President in Denver before coming home.

Hopefully, before he gets home, I can get my 'Zen' on and try to calm down from this pent up anxiety and annoying people in my life.  We'll see how that goes.  I have to go to the dentist tomorrow.  I have two broken teeth so after that...maybe things will be better!



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