A Christmas State of Affairs

 Merry Christmas...How is it possible that another year has come and nearly gone?  This is my 'State of my Union' Christmas edition... It's been a hot minute since I caught the world up on my family; the good, the bad and the ugly. 

January 1, we lost our beloved dog, Bentley.  It was a tragic way to start the new year.  The gravity of losing a pet just isn't understood unless you have a furry friend that becomes your whole world.  Bentley was as much an emotional support to us all, as any well trained dog could be.  Even still, it feels like his spirit is still hanging around.   They say when you lose a dog, they guide you to a new one...more on that later. 

Two weddings this year top the charts for sure.   The boys getting married 6 weeks apart was definitely the highlight of my existence.  I won't soon forget the emotions of those two days.  It was an amazing thing to see the boys 'standing in' for their Dad in the Holy Temple.  They were there for each other in exactly the way I had always hoped their relationship would be.  It was as sweet as can be but bitter too and I guess, that has been the theme of life this year.   I suppose, if you think about it, that's the way God intended for it to be.  It can't all be beautiful because sometimes, it's just messy too.   I think I've finally come to understand this. 

 So far, the happy couples really are happy.  It's been a wonderful experience for them and it's been fun to see them learning and growing together.  They have both had their fair share of problems, especially health problems, money problems, insurance issues, but they are each so strong and bring a complementary approach to problem solving.   The girls are still learning the ropes of Dyskeratosis Congenita but they are troopers.  I love them so much.   My boys are blessed beyond measure.  

In late Spring, I received a phone call asking if I would go work for an Architect in town.  I have worked for them before when I first got divorced.  It was a great job for me and it was there that I really learned so much!  I felt like it could be an answer to some financial issues of cash flow so I took the job, with the intention of quitting my business I have spent blood, sweat and tears building.  Things haven't exactly been as I thought they should be, so for now, I'm doing it all!  I work for the Architect from 6 in the morning until noon.  I come home and spend three hours working for a builder in Pocatello.  I've been working for him for 12 years!! Can you believe that?    After that, I start my own work with my clients.   I currently have 14 homes I am designing.   When I'm not doing that, I'm trying to keep the other parts of my life from going off the rails.   It's not an ideal situation right now, but I feel compelled to continue for now.  I've been able to get out most of my debt and replace some desperately broken things in my house. 

Next to the boys getting married, I think the summer turned out to be my next favorite time of the year.  I hosted a summer camp, two nights a week for some kids in my neighborhood.  They were at risk kids and each have severe emotional and family issues.  I don't know how I managed to do that two nights a week with my work schedule, but somehow I did and it made me so happy to see them so happy.  For the entire summer, they didn't have any issues with cutting or suicide attempts.  

We ended camp Run A Muk, as I lovingly called our summer camp, in late September.  By November, one of the girls attempted suicide by suffocation and ended up in the mental hospital for several weeks.  Just a few days after she got home, her sister was cutting and got carried away with that and also ended up in the mental hospital.  It makes me sad.  I know that if I could have just kept doing camp, they would have been safe.  Their mothers have curtailed the time they get to come down and visit.  For some reason, I am still a threat of some sort, despite having only the best of intentions.  This week though, Shelbie and I will help a couple of the kids make treats for their mom for Christmas.  

In August, Shelbie and I got COVID 19.  Blah.  I'm not even going to get into this because the whole situation has me so angry in a political way.   We survived and that's all that matters.  However, it caused a domino effect in other health ways. 

Shelbie has been struggling a lot with her health.  She spent a couple of weeks in November in and out of the hospital with a raging tissue infection called Cellulitis.  It was weeks of IV antibiotics to clear it up.  We recently did scans of her brain and lungs to see if the chemo/immune therapy is working.  At least one of the tumors in her lungs has grown.  The most significant change is in her brain.  She is getting more demyelination in the front lobe of her brain which showed up as increased white matter.  That is disturbing but also expected. I guess I could say more about this but it hurts to think about the progression of this disease...so I move on. 

We added another furry friend!  He's so sweet!  Meet Murphy! He is the smartest dog we've had and so sweet.  I think he really needed some emotional support humans in his life.  He is pretty anxious and sometimes needy but we love him a lot.   We are lucky to have another little critter around. 

 

Here we are at Christmas...My favorite time of the year!  The energy shifts it seems.  We really have had a good year, at least it felt like a year I could manage despite the difficult things we faced and continue to face.  There has been a deeper understanding of the suffering instead of made up mathematic equations to make it all add up.  I could never make it work. With worldly challenges, you have to search harder to feel the presence of God in your life, at least that is what I have found.  That continues to be something I work hard for everyday.  I know in many ways, I need to work less and have more space for thinking and being still.  That is the carrot I continually chase- balance is not something I have felt since I got divorced so long ago. When I do make time, I fill it with serving someone else, or spending time with my kids and those are both worthy ways to spend time, but still, it keeps me from stillness.  

This week, I have planned a week of stillness; time to find Christ and make room for him.  I'm so looking forward to the time I will have to spend with Him...My Father in Heaven and his Son have given me so much and offered more grace and tenderness than I often deserve.  

So, this is where we are!  I will finish this Christmas State of Affairs with my favorite pictures of my sweet family.