Holding Space
Have you heard of this term lately, holding space? It's been a buzz word for awhile but it seems to be getting traction. It's the art of walking beside someone through their journey, without judgement, without a destination in mind.
I've thought about the comings and goings of this past month or so, the curve balls and foul balls we've had our eye on. Not to toot my own horn, but we/I have seemed to manage things much better than I have in a very long time. It feels as though the past two years, while I felt buried and exhausted, I was holding space. Holding space for my kids but more importantly, holding space for me. I have barely made a dent in the work I have yet to do, but I can see that I learned through that time of being stuck, how to allow myself to be stuck; to just let that be the thing. I didn't try to micromanage it, distract from it...I tried in every way, to feel stuck, accept it for what it was. I didn't know where that would lead and quite frankly, most days I had resigned myself to that as my new normal.
Somewhere along the way, the light came and I came to more fully appreciate the importance of moment to moment living. Holding whatever emotion you feel, for however long you need to feel it, and doing so, un-apologetically.
I realized that I allowed my kids the same privilege. I have often doubted how I approached them and their own journey as adults. Some parents just let them go, some would say I should have let mine go and let them figure it all out at once. Some even comment that I coddled my kids but I say, I held space for them. Space they needed to figure things out.
I did that for Shelbie. She grew up hearing doctors tell me she probably wouldn't live past 18 years old. When she turned 18 and was still thriving in life, she had no thought about the future. She never felt that was a privilege she could afford. When she struggled to find her place in the world of photography. I was her biggest cheer leader. I bought her the camera and equipment, built a studio with my own two hands, never quite sure it would even work. But it did! She found her passion and has built a business that thrives and she is well known in the photography world.
Spencer spent nearly two years on my couch, watching You Tube videos and taking online classes when he could have at least worked a part time job. He had a vision. I had faith in him and his vision so I patiently held that space for him. In two weeks, we will be in Utah as a family for his first premier of a movie he helped film and direct the cinematography on. This is the documentary from his trip to Africa earlier this year. I never could have imagined that those two years of seemingly wasted time, would become a Sundance Film Festival Movie Premier! I couldn't be prouder of him.
And then Sam. Last year, after being called out multiple times for missing school and failing exams because he was sick so often, I told him to take a year off. He had felt so much pressure to go to college and graduate with a degree. College was not for him but then what was? We have spent countless hours brain mapping his skills, his interests, patiently muddling through, holding space for something but we weren't sure what. Little by little, he found some interests and bit by bit, he too taught himself a skill and we scrounged together money to purchase equipment and turned my garage into a workshop and today, he has arrived a great place.
This week, he had an interview to be an apprentice in a woodworking shop. The man gave him a beautiful slab of walnut with a living edge and told him to create a masterpiece. Sam is doing just that. His wood turning skills are amazing and he taught himself that skill and the art of resin, in the mental space he was allowed. Space where little stressful things could be shared by a family who loves him. Space to experiment, make mistakes, learn...
This week, Sam started making pens and they are so beautiful.
I love watching the process of holding space. I love what that empty space becomes. I love the idea that we can create a whole new world, a new perspective, a new beginning when we just travel alongside someone on their journey and with hold judgement and critique. When we are brave enough to let it unfold in due time.
Today...hold space for someone you love. Hold space for the strangers you meet. Imagine what would happen if we allowed each other the space to grow.
I've thought about the comings and goings of this past month or so, the curve balls and foul balls we've had our eye on. Not to toot my own horn, but we/I have seemed to manage things much better than I have in a very long time. It feels as though the past two years, while I felt buried and exhausted, I was holding space. Holding space for my kids but more importantly, holding space for me. I have barely made a dent in the work I have yet to do, but I can see that I learned through that time of being stuck, how to allow myself to be stuck; to just let that be the thing. I didn't try to micromanage it, distract from it...I tried in every way, to feel stuck, accept it for what it was. I didn't know where that would lead and quite frankly, most days I had resigned myself to that as my new normal.
Somewhere along the way, the light came and I came to more fully appreciate the importance of moment to moment living. Holding whatever emotion you feel, for however long you need to feel it, and doing so, un-apologetically.
I realized that I allowed my kids the same privilege. I have often doubted how I approached them and their own journey as adults. Some parents just let them go, some would say I should have let mine go and let them figure it all out at once. Some even comment that I coddled my kids but I say, I held space for them. Space they needed to figure things out.
I did that for Shelbie. She grew up hearing doctors tell me she probably wouldn't live past 18 years old. When she turned 18 and was still thriving in life, she had no thought about the future. She never felt that was a privilege she could afford. When she struggled to find her place in the world of photography. I was her biggest cheer leader. I bought her the camera and equipment, built a studio with my own two hands, never quite sure it would even work. But it did! She found her passion and has built a business that thrives and she is well known in the photography world.
Spencer spent nearly two years on my couch, watching You Tube videos and taking online classes when he could have at least worked a part time job. He had a vision. I had faith in him and his vision so I patiently held that space for him. In two weeks, we will be in Utah as a family for his first premier of a movie he helped film and direct the cinematography on. This is the documentary from his trip to Africa earlier this year. I never could have imagined that those two years of seemingly wasted time, would become a Sundance Film Festival Movie Premier! I couldn't be prouder of him.
And then Sam. Last year, after being called out multiple times for missing school and failing exams because he was sick so often, I told him to take a year off. He had felt so much pressure to go to college and graduate with a degree. College was not for him but then what was? We have spent countless hours brain mapping his skills, his interests, patiently muddling through, holding space for something but we weren't sure what. Little by little, he found some interests and bit by bit, he too taught himself a skill and we scrounged together money to purchase equipment and turned my garage into a workshop and today, he has arrived a great place.
This week, he had an interview to be an apprentice in a woodworking shop. The man gave him a beautiful slab of walnut with a living edge and told him to create a masterpiece. Sam is doing just that. His wood turning skills are amazing and he taught himself that skill and the art of resin, in the mental space he was allowed. Space where little stressful things could be shared by a family who loves him. Space to experiment, make mistakes, learn...
This week, Sam started making pens and they are so beautiful.
I love watching the process of holding space. I love what that empty space becomes. I love the idea that we can create a whole new world, a new perspective, a new beginning when we just travel alongside someone on their journey and with hold judgement and critique. When we are brave enough to let it unfold in due time.
Today...hold space for someone you love. Hold space for the strangers you meet. Imagine what would happen if we allowed each other the space to grow.
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