Things you don't see coming
I don't know about you, but now that my kids are all grown up, I look back on my years of raising them and the only thing I can say is, "It didn't go as planned."
There are a lot of things I would like to go back and change. There are many more situations I wish I had of handled differently. Honestly, there are a few things I think I excelled in! Basically, parenting is an exercise in being blindsided, in forever trying to give your best guess in a game where the rules keep changing. It's like the fun house of life. Things are not always as they seem.
This brings me to the last few enduring weeks with Sam. He's been nailed with an array of health problems that continue. He suffered an unfair demotion at work which is the equivalent of draining the blood from his body. That trampoline park is his happy place, he lives to work there, I'm convinced! The demotion had to do with personal issues and were completely and seriously ridiculous reasons for why he was demoted. It had nothing to do with his job performance and this was confirmed by the HR company as well as the owners. But, there's no point fighting when a manager has already made up their mind. So, he took the demotion because he loves his work so much but she also cut his pay and his hours.
After two weeks of the interview process, a 3 AM ride along to stock the shelves of grocery stores and convenient stores, Sam was finally offered the job of a Detailer for Frito Lay. He will have to commute to the city but his pay will increase substantially, as well as the hours. He came right over as soon as he got the call from the Corporate office that he was being offered the position. The boy was in a panic!
I was so surprised. He's been through the interview process before and has had some really great jobs in the past that was successful in and has never been fired. This didn't seem to me, to be the big deal it was to him, but he sat beside my desk wringing his hands as he contemplated what to do.
"What are you thinking Sam?"
"I don't think I should take the job, I don't know."
"First, tell me all the reason you think this is a good job for you and the positive impact it could have on your life."
He started with the obvious...he could support himself financially, it is challenging, he would be busy and productive, they would rely on him, they trust him...he had an awesome list that was really quite long.
"Now tell me all the reasons why you think you shouldn't take the job."
"They are relying on me to show up!!"
I was a little confused and wanted to shake him by the shoulders and just tell him to stop being ridiculous and take the job, but I sat and listened. Well, it was a long story. I was shocked to hear that Sam has no confidence, no hope, and he is convinced that as soon as he gets this job, his health is going to tank and he didn't tell them that he has a rare disease. He applied for three other jobs and disclosed that information and he didn't get the job, so he's drawn a correlation, which may be correct but who knows. I told him not to say anything with this job.
It finally dawned on me, as he sat there in anxiety that dripped from his face, what this disease has taken from him. It has robbed him of a hopeful, happy, future. It's robbed him of the confidence he once had, the way he lived fearlessly. He is not the same boy I have known.
"Sam! Have I not taught you to seize the day? Have we not learned as a family that we can't predict the future let alone this disease? If you live for the what ifs, you'll never have a life. You have to go for what you want and whatever is coming next, we'll handle together and if it means you have to quit or you get fired then we'll find you a different job." I felt so heartbroken for him as I watched the turmoil in his heart, play out in his mind. It was a poignant moment that I didn't see coming and additionally, I realized that I sometimes just have to say brave things that are true but I can't always believe either. It's in those moments when my own insides need a good wringing out from worry too.
Ahh, it's a tough road to hoe when the road has been less traveled. I guess if I'm being honest with myself, all three of the kids have been at this place before, at one time or another, and while I am no different from them, and often live cautiously and may not always practice what I preach, I still believe what I say. I guess all we can do is stumble along, provided we are stumbling along the right road.
Sam took the job. Now we watch it all unfold.
There are a lot of things I would like to go back and change. There are many more situations I wish I had of handled differently. Honestly, there are a few things I think I excelled in! Basically, parenting is an exercise in being blindsided, in forever trying to give your best guess in a game where the rules keep changing. It's like the fun house of life. Things are not always as they seem.
This brings me to the last few enduring weeks with Sam. He's been nailed with an array of health problems that continue. He suffered an unfair demotion at work which is the equivalent of draining the blood from his body. That trampoline park is his happy place, he lives to work there, I'm convinced! The demotion had to do with personal issues and were completely and seriously ridiculous reasons for why he was demoted. It had nothing to do with his job performance and this was confirmed by the HR company as well as the owners. But, there's no point fighting when a manager has already made up their mind. So, he took the demotion because he loves his work so much but she also cut his pay and his hours.
After two weeks of the interview process, a 3 AM ride along to stock the shelves of grocery stores and convenient stores, Sam was finally offered the job of a Detailer for Frito Lay. He will have to commute to the city but his pay will increase substantially, as well as the hours. He came right over as soon as he got the call from the Corporate office that he was being offered the position. The boy was in a panic!
I was so surprised. He's been through the interview process before and has had some really great jobs in the past that was successful in and has never been fired. This didn't seem to me, to be the big deal it was to him, but he sat beside my desk wringing his hands as he contemplated what to do.
"What are you thinking Sam?"
"I don't think I should take the job, I don't know."
"First, tell me all the reason you think this is a good job for you and the positive impact it could have on your life."
He started with the obvious...he could support himself financially, it is challenging, he would be busy and productive, they would rely on him, they trust him...he had an awesome list that was really quite long.
"Now tell me all the reasons why you think you shouldn't take the job."
"They are relying on me to show up!!"
I was a little confused and wanted to shake him by the shoulders and just tell him to stop being ridiculous and take the job, but I sat and listened. Well, it was a long story. I was shocked to hear that Sam has no confidence, no hope, and he is convinced that as soon as he gets this job, his health is going to tank and he didn't tell them that he has a rare disease. He applied for three other jobs and disclosed that information and he didn't get the job, so he's drawn a correlation, which may be correct but who knows. I told him not to say anything with this job.
It finally dawned on me, as he sat there in anxiety that dripped from his face, what this disease has taken from him. It has robbed him of a hopeful, happy, future. It's robbed him of the confidence he once had, the way he lived fearlessly. He is not the same boy I have known.
"Sam! Have I not taught you to seize the day? Have we not learned as a family that we can't predict the future let alone this disease? If you live for the what ifs, you'll never have a life. You have to go for what you want and whatever is coming next, we'll handle together and if it means you have to quit or you get fired then we'll find you a different job." I felt so heartbroken for him as I watched the turmoil in his heart, play out in his mind. It was a poignant moment that I didn't see coming and additionally, I realized that I sometimes just have to say brave things that are true but I can't always believe either. It's in those moments when my own insides need a good wringing out from worry too.
Ahh, it's a tough road to hoe when the road has been less traveled. I guess if I'm being honest with myself, all three of the kids have been at this place before, at one time or another, and while I am no different from them, and often live cautiously and may not always practice what I preach, I still believe what I say. I guess all we can do is stumble along, provided we are stumbling along the right road.
Sam took the job. Now we watch it all unfold.
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