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The Wrestle

Today in church, we talked about the point that we are here to experience joy.  It makes for an interesting conversation.

I think we grow up thinking that joy and happiness are what we signed up for when we stood in line to get a body.  Men are that they might have joy...or new shoes, or a nice car, or a fancy house, or a good time every Friday night, or a trip to Cancun because you had a really hard month and deserve a break.

In reality, we discover that instead of new shoes, or a nice car, we get a mortgage, a car payment, medical bills and a job that doesn't even cover that much.  Friday nights are spent in hopes of an early bedtime and Cancun trips are for the rich and famous but if we're lucky, we get a medical trip to somewhere exotic like Utah, or Washington. Hey, then we get creative in convincing the kids, It will be fun!

So then, what is this joy we are suppose to be experiencing.  How come it is so fleeting?

I have this feeling that people look at me with pity and sympathy.  Sometimes, I wonder if people ever really see anything but a pathetic, tired, sick family?

The truth is, we are in a state of wrestling.  We are in this strange place where the things of the world really have such little importance to me.  We are wrestling with spiritual things.  We are being asked to learn things that will surely fit us for Heaven.  We are being asked to tread a little too close to Calvary for comfort.  I am completely out of touch with the world right now.  I'm even out of touch with all the little aggravations I once had.   In fact, anytime I have to play in the world is just aggravating.

Joy is something different to me.  Maybe joy changes as our life circumstances change.

Joy is being with my family
Joy is laughing together when we should be crying
Joy is crying when we should be laughing
Joy is chaos that becomes clarified by the Spirit
Joy is calm
Joy is patience today when yesterday it nearly impossible to achieve
Joy is a flickering peace in the bottom of my soul that reminds me it's going to be okay...eventually
Joy is a flood of peace
Joy is realizing we get to try again
Joy is trying again
Joy is being taught
Joy is learning...
Joy is suffering well and wisely
Joy is seeing my kids wrestle and struggle and strain in the spirit
Joy is healthy spirits even though the body is weak
Joy is realizing that just You and God against the world is enough

So, in our wrestles this week...

Tomorrow, we meet with our family doctor, get a report of the conference call he supposedly had on Thursday.  In this appointment, we are hoping to have the diagnostic testing set up for Shelbie so that we can finally figure out what the heck is going on.

I am sort of done with this phase of the struggle, ready for what's coming next.



  1. I hope you know I see you as STRONG and COURAGEOUS. I sit in awe at your family's love and joy in the face of difficulty; your Christlike attributes are palpable. As you begin this week of tests and questions and (hopefully) answers, know I love you guys and you're in my thoughts constantly. xoxoxo, Molly


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