This week

This hard.

This week, I feel like my hollow body is filled with concrete

I feel like I have all of a sudden developed a raging case of Attention Deficit

I can't figure out what to do and when to do it.

When I do have something to do, I feel like I am swimming in pea soup.

People talk to me and I can hear them and see them moving their mouth but I am brain dead.

I feel dead.

My senses are all on high alert.  On Tuesday, we had to drive into the city for a Dr. appointment and I was driving behind a Semi truck when his back tire blew out!  It was the biggest bang I have ever heard!  I slammed on the brakes and ducked!  Thankfully, there was no one too close behind me.  There was rubber peeling off that tire and flying through the air.  Even though I had created quite a bit of space between me and him, we were still getting pelted with flying debris.  He just kept on driving and smoke was pouring out from his axle.

After the doctors appointment, we went through the Wendy's drive through.  My window was down while we waited and worker came around the corner dragging a garbage can!  I jumped so high I about hit the roof of the car!  The guy apologized profusely.

Tuesday, I also had an appointment for a mammogram and ultrasound.  I have a gazillion cysts and some calcification but the radiologist said not to worry, things were stable.  Well, yesterday, the clinic called back to say the Radiologist wanted to see me again and re do part of the test!  In the 12 years I have been doing this...I have never had a call back.  Of all the weeks!

Yesterday, I had to have two small procedures done!  All of this was planned before I knew about the conference call, so that kind of sucks!

So, that's me..on edge!  On edge and behind on work.

The kids have been bouncing all over the place with emotions, nothing horrible and I just sort of stare at them, listen and hope I don't have to do much to help them...that sounds horribly selfish!  I am just so tired. Exhausted.  I have tried to go to bed earlier than usual and my eyes are heavy but I can't sleep.  I wake up more tired than ever.  Pepsi is my friend these days.

I know if I could just sleep, I would feel so much better!

We are all just in this funk.  So much to do, so little desire to do it.

I can see my biggest challenge this summer is going to be to keep these kids busy and active. Not quite sure where to start with that...



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