A difficult two weeks with Covid

 The past 2 and a half weeks have been so hard.  Shelbie got Covid about 2 1/2 weeks ago but she didn't have any of the usual presenting symptoms.  So, we went to Utah for her doctor's appointment, met up with her dad and Spencer and Ashtin for a late lunch.  The night we returned, we held a movie for the camp kids on our driveway.  Shelbie felt tired and kept saying her brain was tired, so by all accounts, I thought she was experiencing her usual neurological problems.  

By Monday though, she woke up achy, so I suggested she go in for a blood test to see where her white count was.  Instead of doing blood work, they did a Covid test and a chest xray.  The test was positive.  This sent a jolt of fear through our family.  It's the thing we have been avoiding for more than a year.  My kids are among the most vulnerable because of what little immune system they have.  We have been faithful mask wearers and true to social distancing.  It hasn't been that hard, it's what we've always done because of the kids' health but it just took one person, coming to my house, knowing full well, they had been exposed to the virus. 

I was beside myself with anxiety and fear and Shelbie cried non stop that she was going to die.  It was terrible in every imaginable way, but the Covid symptoms were the least of our worries.  About 8 days later, I tested positive and still the fear was raw.  

I've had a lot of time to think about Covid and the perplexities of vaccination.  We are not vaccinated.  It was not a decision that came easily.   Not a day has passed that I haven't prayed for direction about getting the vaccine.  I have never felt an urgency to do so.  What I did feel was an impression to study all I could about maintaining good health and preventing disease in common sense ways, so that is what I have been doing for the past 18 months.  I have poured over studies that were not part of the main stream media because all they do anymore is skew the truth and report from a bias.  I wanted to base my decisions on faith and in truth. 

When we got Covid, I questioned my choices.  There were literally people who shamed me for my 'wreckless' decision.  People who said we deserved it. Church members who lectured me about plagues. When I had to take Shelbie to the ER last Sunday for symptoms of meningitis, they refused to treat her with respect because she hadn't been vaccinated.  Far worse than Covid has been the fear, anxiety, and shame.  

Each time I felt the fear that I had made the wrong choice, I would pray and open my scriptures and every single time, without fail, I would feel reassured that I did the right thing by not getting the vaccine.  Always, John 14:27 would come to my mind, 

"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you; not as the world giveth, give I unto you.  Let not your heart be troubled, nor let it be afraid."  

I'll tell you what, the steady diet of fear we have been fed about Covid, by the world, made this a fleeting feeling that I was constantly reaching for, and it was hard.  Last Sunday, I had to drop Shelbie off at the hospital and she had to endure three failed spinal taps, and a series of other testing, all alone.  I was really scared but Sam came over and gave me a beautiful blessing that helped calm my fears and worry.  I was glad that I had power to draw upon from the priesthood, prayer and my faith.  I also felt the presence of family on the other side of the veil. All of that worked for my good and the good of my family. 

Never once have I read a report from the CDC or the current  Biden administration and felt peace, but I have felt a lot of fear, anxiety and panic.  To me, this is the real plague and the men of this world can not be trusted to give honest, truthful guidance.  

I know that most of you reading this, disagree with those who choose not to receive the vaccination and maybe even the majority of you are judging me harshly as you read this and I am done caring what anyone thinks of me.  I was reminded of a talk by Michelle D. Craig about our Spiritual Capacity.  Great men like Noah, Moses, Nephi and the Jaredites were faced with large bodies of water to cross and each of them did it differently.  Each of them received personal revelation and personalized direction and they were obedient as they listened to the Spirit.  God didn't have just one way, the right way...he prepared them for a way! I'm sure we can all review their stories and find ways to criticize their decisions but how short sighted for us to question the workings of God. 

I feel strongly that I chose a way that was best for me and I know with certainty that I was led along by a loving Father in Heaven.  It didn't mean I was spared from experiencing Covid but it meant I was blessed to survive it.  99% of us will survive it but somehow, all we have been taught to focus on the 1% who didn't make it. 

I am so grateful for Covid and the lessons I have learned about my faith, my weaknesses and how I can better approach my trials.  All of the natural treatments I had learned about over the past year actually made my autoimmune symptoms better too.  I am so grateful to have a long lasting, natural immunity and I can move through the remainder of the year without the extra fear and worry about catching Covid.  My testimony in a Heavenly Father who will bless us as we are humble, prayerful and obedient has been strengthened.  I should add that I followed up with every single person we had exposed and not one of them got sick and none of them had been vaccinated. I felt relieved we hadn't been spreaders of the virus.  Another tender mercy.