Witness

 A lot of people choose a word on which to focus their year on; hope, perseverance, faith.  I have never chosen to do that but we are two months into the year, I see themes forming in my life that do center around a word.  I think January's word was suffering, trial, tribulation but February's word is witness.  

Everyone has had a difficult year in a pandemic.  Some, struggled with the isolation and decrease in social activities.  Others faced all that and more; a heaviness to their burdens one can scarcely describe with words.  Whatever the challenges, I think we all have a need to be witnessed.  We need someone to see the struggle and say, "Hey, I can see life is hard.  You are doing a great job in handling your life with grace." Not just say it but mean it.  They mean it because they truly saw the weight of the burden, the tug of war with emotion, the complexities of trial, the inevitable paradoxes, the effort of protecting your faith and shoring up hope.  With love and compassion, not patronizing pity, they sit with you in the trenches. 

This is weighed heavily on my mind the past several weeks, even months.  I have spent hours in thought and pondering, hoping to understand what I was feeling.   In my studying of the Doctrine of Covenants, a history of The Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints,  we use as supplemental scripture in our church, I finally found some answers.  

Joseph Smith was commanded to show the golden plates he was translating, to 3 witnesses.  It wasn't just any three people Joseph stumbled upon in his travels.  They were selected with the aid of Heaven to see the beautiful plates.  The men were closely associated with Joseph and had made significant sacrifice and contribution to Joseph and the translating of the work. 

After the witness of the plates and hearing the voice of the Father, Joseph entered his home where his mother was and proclaimed how happy he was that there were three more witnesses to the work he was doing.  He said he felt like a horrible burden had been lifted and he could no longer be judged because others couldn't deny what Joseph had said all along was true. 

It's been a really hard and emotional week with many more to come.  In an effort to keep the spirit of peace, I went out last night to visit 5 different women that I really don't know very well but know of.   Each one is in a different stage of life with unique trials to them.  Each one told me a painful, emotional story or a bittersweet story of triumph and change.  I felt like their kitchen table of confession and hope became a sacred place.  I recognized the responsibility I had to witness and care for them, not patronize or pity.  It was an honor to sit with them in their own little mess and do nothing be see what they see, feel what they feel, be with them in their own complex emotions.    

Sometimes, you don't understand why you are inspired in certain ways, to cross the path of certain people until after the fact.  Last night was a blessing; a balm.  To understand more fully the importance of being a witness and in so doing, a burden is lifted and replaced with relief.  

When I got home, Sam had just finished his final worthiness interview to take out his endowments at the temple in a week, and then be sealed for eternity to his beautiful bride.  I asked him how it went.  It happened to be a Bishop who is now serving the Stake, who Sam had several years ago during one of his darker moments in life. 

With tears in his eyes, he said, "It was so good.  He gave me a hug and told me he was proud of me!"  This man was called by God at the right time, in the right place to witness and love my son.  I saw the joy in Sam, that I read Joseph Smith had, after his work had been witnessed.  It was such a beautiful moment we got to share. 

Not everyone deserves to hear our stories.  It doesn't make them bad people, just the wrong people.  Just as it was important for Joseph to keep things to himself until the right people were prepared, so it is with me.  Not everyone will understand that but it's not for everyone TO understand. 

I'm am grateful the few who could be my witness.  Who were the least likely but sent by God for my blessing and my benefit.  

Spencer in his very serious health issues this month, found a doctor who finally 'witnessed' his struggles and begged him to take her with him on his health journey.  A witness for him. 

This week, Shelbie has been really, really sick.  As she puts it "Cancer kind of sick".  I don't know what is going on.  I don't know what to do but I'm trying harder to be a worthy witness for her.  Next week, she will have surgery at Huntsman to place a port.  I'm sad and very worried.   I hope she will be okay. 

The days are full of good and not so good but I'm grateful for my faith to keep going despite the isolation, loneliness and misunderstandings.