A Beautiful Mess



I love that this week has been full of so many amazing and awful things.  There's been a little amazing in every day, a little ordinary and a little bit of awful. 
                                                       
It's so hard to see my kids struggling and feel so helpless.  For three solid days this week, my worries over Sam continued, however, the silver lining is that he is always willing to be open and honest when we have our talks.  I finally decided that what I needed to do was give him permission to just be 'undone'.    It was as if, that is what Sam needed to hear.  Something changed in him and he became much more settled.  He had a light come back in his eyes that I haven't seen in so long.  It's the little steps that can carry us so far. 

For a day at least, things just felt just ordinary.   I helped the neighbor boys build their pinewood derby cars.  I did this last year as well, and he came in second place!  Let me just mention that I did not even help my own boys when they were racing pinewood derby cars so I really had no clue what I was doing.  This year, the boy's younger brother also needed a car so I helped them both.  It was no small task trying to manage to active boys and several cans of spray paint!   I wasn't able to watch them race but their mother sent me a picture.  They both placed 1st and 2nd place!!  I am quite certain it wasn't anything I did but rather an act of God.  Trust me, I'm just not that good.  I was happy and those sweet boys were amazed and I'm sure a few dad's were a little miffed that some single mom could help produce such great little cars. 

We finished off the week with a little disheartening news but such is life.  Spencer had another major problem with gastroparesis.  He has spent the entire weekend so sick!  I've been really nervous about his situation.  In the past, he has had to go to the ER for IV fluids and meds to stop the vomiting.  The sad part is that he was suppose to have an interview on Friday with a major production company.  They had approached him to be the Director of Productions on a feature film.  This is Spencer's dream job.  Hopefully, he will be able to reschedule all the shoots and interviews he missed. He is doing slightly better but it's a challenge.

I saw the Urologist on Friday because I felt that maybe he would have some additional insight into my ongoing kidney issues.  I have countless cysts in my left kidney.  He isn't nearly as concerned with my kidney situation as he is my bladder.  He feels like it's possibly my bladder causing all the bleeding and pain.  After he explained his reasoning I kind of felt like he may be right.  So, in a few weeks, I will have a scope so he can see the inside of my bladder and possibly a biopsy.  I'm not at all excited about that but if I have bladder cancer, it would certainly be in my best interest to find it early. 

Even with all of that to deal with this weekend, I feel alright about where things are at.  We are breathing it all in and trying to exhale patience, faith and trust that Heavenly Father truly has a plan for us. 




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