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Not An Option...

It's been sort of a crazy weekend.  Sometimes, I don't realize just how hard and crazy until, from out of the blue, I start having a little anxiety attack and hit panic mode.  And oddly enough...it never happens in the moment.  Tonight, it happened at the gym while on the elliptical.  When I realized I was crying, I looked down and was going 10 mph and had already logged over 2 miles!  It was as if I was running away from my life.  I thought my heart was going to pack up and leave for being worked so hard. Anyways...

Sam has pneumonia again!  I think this is the 4th time this year.  He's had a cold for over a week and then Sunday morning, spiked a fever.  A sudden rise in temperature after a week or more of a viral illness is almost always something serious.  Sam has always been in tune with his lungs so when he came home flushed and fevered, I said, "Well, do I need to take you in?  Do you think you have pneumonia?"  He nodded yes.  So off we went and that was confirmed.

So, before going back home, I stopped at Walgreens to fill the scripts and they told me I didn't have pharmacy coverage. We went back and forth and I made them call my insurance company.  Sure enough, they confirmed that it had been suspended.  The pharmacist said, "So, do you still want to get these medications and pay cash?"

I'd be lying if I said without hesitation that I would take the meds.  Instead, I had this little debate inside my head, wondering if Sam would live without it and by some miracle get better.  But, he is winding up at school and he really can't miss anymore school so I bought it.  Spent the last money I had for two weeks. So...I was a little bugged.

Today, I spent two hours on the phone being shuffled from one source to another trying to figure out what happened.  The problem is, we have three different insurance companies between the four of us.  Sam has his own policy that I pay separate premiums and what not for.  This is not by choice but by Obamacare, 'He' dictated what we each would get.  What Sam has, falls under the umbrella of Medicaid only not the free Medicaid...I pay just like I do a normal policy which makes no sense. When Sam turned 19 in May, they just dropped him off the plan but didn't add him to another. So, for a month, he has had no insurance which means...I've got some major bills coming my way!

The last person I spoke to was very helpful and after gathering the facts and assessing the problem, she said, "Okay, let me put you on a brief hold and try to sort out what in the world happened."

"No!!! (practically yelling at her) You can't put me on a brief hold! I am about to have a stroke that my son hasn't had coverage for a month and I just need you to tell me that you will be able to get him on my policy even though it isn't open enrollment time or now that coverage has lagged...preexisting condition problems. I just need to know that you feel confident I will be okay....like today, it will work out..."

"It's going to be okay.  I'll fix it for you.  Everything will be fine.  Is it okay if I put you on a brief hold now?"

She probably got off the phone  and yelled across the room of operators to her manager Bill..."Hey, I've got a whoopticopter on line 12, I'm gonna need back up!!"

To make a long story longer...Sam won't be able to have insurance until July 1st.  I am a wreck.  I want to wrap the boy up in plastic bubbles and put him in the back of my closet until July 1st. I have no choice but to storm Heaven with prayers that nothing happens to him...and he is suppose to be going to Salt Lake this weekend to Nitro Circus.  Ugh... The woman at Idaho Health was really nice.  As she was typing away, she injected little updates like...Well that was easy...Nice, not a problem there.  I think she was just saying that so I wouldn't start crying.  When we were through, she said, "Now, are you going to be okay? I want to make sure you will be alright." LOL!  I will be okay, it shakes my core sometimes.

Not having insurance is NOT AN OPTION.

I texted our doc in Utah to find out if he had made a plan for the boys' immunology health and told him Sam was sick again.  His response was that he sent me an email with his concerns for the boys but especially Sam.  I didn't get that email.  He is out of town but we will head down there in the next couple of weeks.  The doc told me that he wants Sam on antibiotics indefinitely and will likely start plasma transfusions as soon as we can get that authorized.

I told Sam what might be happening and he is pretty upset.  It kind of changes everything now.  No mission for Sam.  That's pretty heartbreaking but I'll save that for another post. And...$26,000 in medical bills per month is giving me an ulcer.  I have no idea how we are going to make it even with insurance and come July 1st...I start all over with deductibles!!!  So maddening.

Then...May called me this morning and the Sheriff had arrived at the mental hospital to transport her back up here to the County Jail.  I feel sick for her.  She was going to try to call me once she got here, if they would let her but I didn't hear back.  She will have to see the judge and then who knows.  Does this seem like it can even be real?  She is 86 years old and could be my grandmother and she is sitting in a jail cell tonight.  I feel sick.  It shouldn't even be an option! If they don't let her drive...then what is she going to do.

I am actually not surprised by these turn of events.  We have had a little break to regroup, and sometimes, I think God creates these breaks to teach us new things for the next round of fiery furnace trials.  I have had these amazing streams of consciousness and increased knowledge and understanding so it makes sense that he will now create some opportunities for me to practice what I've learned.  How exciting!  How scary...I guess digging in my heels is simply...not an option!


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