Hard Places...Holy Places

I can't believe we don't even a have week under our belt yet from getting the life changing news about the gene!  It seriously feels like 8 weeks should already be over!

One week ago, it felt like Christmas, the air was infused with that Christmasy feeling.  One of the many versions of 12 days of Christmas seemed to play in a continuous loop wherever I went.  That, fluttery, excited feeling was settling in.  Packages had been sent, a package arrived. Shopping was done and I was determined to settle in and enjoy the sights and sounds of the season.

Nearly a week later, I am in a different place.  I don't recall hearing any Christmas music for days though I know the station on the radio is still set in my car.  I don't smell the fragrance of cinnamon and pine.  I don't feel excited like I did.  The Christmas lights seem to have lost their sparkle. I did some baking on Sunday but it was merely going through the motions; a task to be done.

I feel numb and extremely exhausted.  Not only that, I can't remember a single thing I did even 3 hours ago. My attention span can be compared to that of a goldfish.  I have a list a mile long of work I need to do for some clients and I can not for the life of me, figure out how to get it done or even what I'm doing or where to start.  Now I can see, it's a very good thing I got laid off from designing homes!

Though I am not as emotional as I have been, things are still hard. I am still trying to get my mind around this so I can write more about what this really feels like.

At any rate, I am remembering that trials like this are a very Holy place.  Maybe the numbness I am feeling is a good thing because I am less worried and fearful and more in tune with the timing and orchestration of God.

As I look back on the last 6 months, I can see how God has been preparing my mind through research I have been doing.  He brought to me a new friend.  I don't even remember the circumstances around how we connected but it's like she has always been there.  She is from California and we are very like minded and each have three kids who are also similar in nature and symptoms.  There is no doubt that God brought us together, perhaps the reason has yet to be realized but she is a blessing to me.

I have been given a little extra help to keep the kids distracted and somewhat happy.  From out of the blue, a group of friends have welcomed Shelbie in and all of a sudden, she has people besides me who care about her. That has been a huge blessing and timing of it all perfect!

The biggest news is the partnership with our local hospital and University of Utah Medical Center.  I knew when I heard this yesterday that it was epic.  This morning, even before I got Shelbie settled in her room, I ran into the CEO and another Administrator.  They don't know me well but I was not afraid to ask them if this was really a big deal or just a play on words since most of the people in this area go to Utah for care anyways.

They told me that this huge.  It means that they will be sending specialists of all varieties up here to spend two or three days a month.  They will bring technology and better training for the nurses.  Our hospital will have access to cutting edge research and information.

I have only had these overwhelming confirmations a handful of times in my life when I could almost, literally see the hand of god orchestrating something for us and this is one of those times.  The timing is amazing!  I am seriously confounded at the goodness and mercy of God.  One thing our doctor from Seattle asked was what kind of resources we had here to support us.  "None", I told her.  We really don't have resources here.

There are so many more blessings, so numerous to mention and some very dear to my heart.  It is an amazing, unique and overwhelming feeling to see God moving things and people into place, like He's getting ready for a really big event.  I know that it will be big and it will probably be scary and sad but I need to remember that he is doing all this for our safety, our happiness and our joy.

We still haven't been able to start the testing on Sam.  I understood it was suppose to start last Friday but our doctor is still waiting on a couple more pieces of information from Seattle before we can start.  Part of me wants to keep bugging them with emails but the bigger part is sitting back and trying to believe that there are big things happening behind the scenes and God just needs a little more time to get things in place for when the results come back.  So, I am waiting patiently.

It's all very interesting to say the least.  I wish I could find words to better describe the workings of Heaven that I am seeing.  For that, I am grateful to be going through this.  It's not something everyone gets to experience; that certain relationship and love I feel from Heaven.  I feel blessed.


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