Saturday, July 15, 2017

Blissful thinking

This has just been a week of stuff...lots of hard stuff so it only seemed fitting to finish things off with a trip to the dentist.  I hate the dentist.  I have always hated the dentist.  I will always hate the dentist.

I had to have a root canal.

I figured I could either be upset and cranky and whine and complain or try to make the best of it.

So...I tried to make the best of it.

I am not very good at taking care of myself and I'm especially not good at asking other people to help me take care of myself or take care of anything really so, when the dental assistants ask if I need anything, I always say, "I'm fine."

Not yesterday.  Nope. I am a tired and cranky woman, on Prednisone, with an abscess in my ear to boot!

Just before I left for the dentist, I dug through the sofa cushions to find some left over Valium.  I was really intent on making this a good experience! They say that attitude is everything!  It's not what happens to you, but how you choose to deal with it that matters.  So, I was going to put these positive affirmations to the test!

My dentist office is really a happy, cheerful place.  I actually like the people who work there, they aren't into shame and guilt techniques like most dental people are.  I really get annoyed when I go to a doctor or dentist and get shamed because I only flossed two days before my appointment!  Seriously, that has happened.  It sent me to therapy for like 3.5 years!

When they asked if I wanted the lights dimmed...I said yes.  When they asked if I wanted happy gas, I said, "Yes PLEASE!"  But then...she said, what flavor of gas?

WHAT??!!!

Is that a real thing?  YES it is!  So of course, I chose Pina Colada!  And the mask was the same color as my outfit so that was a bonus!  I put my headphones on with my Classical tunes to lower my heart rate and brain waves; Bach with Ocean sounds...Happy Gas with Pina Colada flavor and this dental appointment was already looking up!

My dentist is really smart because after I  was all gassed up, a soft pillow under my head, the lights dimmed, he sends in the finance girl to tell you the cost of the procedure and get consent.

"Hey Kath, so today's visit is going to cost you $27,000.00 does that sound okay?  We will need payment in full before you leave? Okay?"

Me: "Alright!  Sounds good!"  That sounded horrible actually, but what do I care?  What's another $27,000 in the grand scheme of things? She didn't say when I had to leave so I assumed it might be alright if I just laid there for  10 or 15 years on happy gas until I had the money to pay my debt and go home!  In all seriousness, I felt my blood pressure rising at the thought of paying for this so I simply said, "Do you mind turning the gas up?"  Life's too short to worry about money at the time of a root canal.

The other reason I love my dentist is that he is always a little behind.  That just meant more time to spend on my little imaginary island getaway.  It was working out well for me.  As luck would have it, the hygienist that got me numb was amazing!  I didn't feel a thing!  I'm being serious here.

Finally, things get started, he puts these foam blocks in my mouth so I don't even have to work to keep my mouth open and it's going so well.  A girl comes into our space and tells the doc that some old guy came in with a chip in his gold crown and could he take a look. I assumed he was an old guy because he had a gold crown.  Gosh, how much do gold crowns even run?  I bet more than $27,000!

 My dentist said how he really needed to get me done first.  Through my mouthful of stuff, I said, "donnevnworygohelthguy."  (Don't worry, go help the guy.  I'm not in a rush....that's what I said.) because of course, I'm really enjoying Pina Colada gas.

He comes back...then another walk in...then he leaves cause I said he should really take care of her.

There was one little problem.  This prednisone and antibiotic crap I'm on is making me retain water like crazy!  I had this suspicion that as soon as they lay me back, I was going to have to pee...and that is what happened, so every time, he left, I was up.  The first time, the assistant said, "Here, let me take the paper bib off."

"I don't care!  I have absolutely zero pride left." and I stumbled my way, falling into the corners of every doorway till I reached the bathroom...that's the valium, happy gas combo working.

"Are you going to be okay?"  She asked

LOL...I am such a weirdo.  Might explain why I'm still single.

He comes back and says how super patient I am and he so appreciates me being such an easy going patient!  And, they comp my happy gas bill because I was so accommodating so I call it a win/win.  I was there over 3 hours but who cares.  It was a little slice of paradise. The best dental experience of my life and I can't wait to go back!!

Today...what I wouldn't give for a little pina colada happy gas!

Tomorrow, I will finish posting about the crappy news this week, cause...there's more I didn't get to.

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