Monday, June 26, 2017

Hold on thy way

We have had a tumultuous weekend!  I think a couple of posts back, I predicted some rough waters coming and come they have with Tsunami strength.

On Friday, out of the blue, I got a call from our Neuroimmunologist's nurse.  She told me that our doctor had opened up a couple of hours in her schedule in two weeks in order to see Shelbie.  I asked her if she had received results from Duke University but she said she couldn't say for sure.  So, I'm not sure what that will be about but we will be there.  I'm a little nervous but I believe that this might be the workings of God.  Shelbie is still not moving fluid from her lower extremities and she still has open sores and weeping.  It's a good time for this doctor to see what is going on and has been for weeks.

Spencer has just been struggling so much.  The poor kid never gets a break!  I mean never!  His car broke down.  It will need a new transmission and he doesn't have money for that.  He's been looking for work but his efforts have gotten him nowhere.  He's just in limbo.  But bless his heart, he keeps on trying to do what's right.  He tries so hard.  I don't understand exactly what God is doing with him but I have to believe something good is coming for has to be!!  He has suffered for two solid years, since the very day he returned from his mission.

I don't blame him for wanting to give up.  In my coaching him, all I could think of were the words...Hold on thy way... When everywhere you turn brings more questions and fewer answers, remember what you do know.  I pointed out to him that although this looks and feels like another setback, he is surrounded with blessings.

I thought Sam was doing okay, besides pneumonia...but he's not.  That boy is so good at hiding his feelings until a point.  Well, that point  happened on Sunday.  He and Spencer had been in Salt Lake for the Nitro Circus show and on their way home Sunday, Sam got lost.  He was driving and somehow, no one was paying attention, ended up an hour West of Salt Lake instead of headed North to come home.

It's a bit of a funny story...He had a friend with them as well.  He is in 11th grade I think and his parents were a little unsure about him going with my boys overnight so they had been tracking his phone.  Well, an hour into the trip home, they called very angry!!  They thought he had lied to them about leaving to head home and here they were out past the Salt Flats.

The sad part of the story is that this is Sam's Dyscalculia raising it's ugly head!  He didn't know he was lost.  I think that was the last straw and by Sunday night, he was a mess.  I had tried all day to get him to talk but all he wanted to be was mad.  About 11:30 that night, he came into my room and flopped across the foot of my bed and cried and cried.  He has two more friends leaving on missions this week.  He is not keeping up at school, and...still feels pretty lousy with pneumonia.  He was feeling pretty worthless, and despaired.

About an hour into our talk, Spencer came in to provide 'back up'.  I was so grateful to have help.  Spencer was able to give Sam a blessing and it helped I think.  I convinced Sam to spend the night at home and take the day off from school today which he did.  He slept for 13 hours!! He got up and ate  a late lunch and started on some homework but could not stay awake.  He got nothing done and now he is even more behind!! But, he probably needed the rest.  His lungs still sound horrible.

As I sat on my bed with each of my kids as they spoke of the hard things they are going through, I had this overwhelming thought...

    put off thy shoes from off thy feet, for the place whereon thou            standest is holy ground.

I haven't always been able to look at these kinds of struggles with any degree of holiness, mostly frustration and even anger at times.  Clearly, I have grown up in my parenting just a bit.  I don't like watching people struggle.  I especially don't like watching people make horrible decisions that will clearly make their life harder than it needs to be but I knew in those moments, that God was working something within them. He was building them...building their character.   There was a wrestle in their spirit that could almost be seen with my physical eyes!

This kind of thing has never happened before.  I was grateful for the moment and will count it as a blessing.  Nothing great came of our talk.  They felt heard and validated; witnessed but nothing was solved or resolved.  Maybe it wasn't nothing...I hope they left feeling safe and loved no matter what!

It has always been an interesting thing for me to watch how God chooses to scatter us or how sometimes, we scatter ourselves.  Whether he scatters a nation, a people, a family or an individual...there is purpose in the scattering.  It may be painful and difficult, lonely and isolating but it is never a waste of time.

I think it's safe to say, we have been in a season of scattering.  What a beautiful thought to consider all the ways God gathers us back.  In a way, these long talks I have with my kids in the midst of their trials are a gathering.  I hope they will always know where they can go when the winds of the world, knock out their power, shift their course and scatter them about.  Wherever I am is where I hope they know to gather!

Until we get past feeling scattered, we will hold on our way!
This song is just because I like it and it seems fitting.


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