Thursday, February 2, 2017

There goes my mind...

Truly a strange day.  I'm surprised I survived.

Spencer's been trying to sell a car so he can buy his van.  So, in less than 12 hours, it sold.  I was full of all sorts of anxiety over the whole deal.  And there isn't enough space in the internet to get into the details of that but...whatever.  So, he was suppose to meet the buyer at the DMV later in the afternoon.  Since the car is in my name, I had to be there.

So, by late afternoon, the people  to buy the car arrive and we meet them.  He said, "Do you mind if I take it for a test drive?"

"Sure!" Spencer says.  All sorts of crazy came unleashed in my mind!  Don't laugh...this is my every day!  Okay laugh...let's face it!  I've lost my ever loving mind!

"Should Spencer ride with them?  Should I ride with them?  What if he is here to kidnap us and steal the car?  Do I really want to live through that?  We should just let them have the car! Maybe I'll just send Spencer...I have too much responsibility, he has nothing!  But what if he gets buried alive in a shallow ditch and I never find him?  I couldn't live with myself!  I better go.  I don't want to die today, I don't know if I made my bed and the bathroom probably needs to be cleaned.  I can't go.  It's better that just one of us dies.  No!! I'll go. What kind of mother sends their kid with a total stranger from a different city far from here?  This mother does and I don't care!  The guy just wants a car, not two lousy, scrawny people like us.  Look at him though, he is three times the size of either one of us.  Oh geez... Okay, .I'll go!" 

This conversation took place in my head with my other committee members of crazy that live inside my brain...in just under 10 seconds.  Next thing I know, I am clutching the seatbelt and praying a prayer like I have never prayed before, in the backseat of that car.

Then the guy says..."I'm going to take it out on the highway and don't be surprised if I really get to know how it handles."  

'Oh, sweet mercy!  Please don't let me die! Why did I come?  He is kidnapping us. I know that is what is going down.  Test driving the car my foot!  I hate my life!  Why?'...  I texted Spencer before getting 911 ready to dial on my phone at the first inch past the exit back into town..."My heart is about to stop!  Just sayin'. I love you!"

But, when the guy did take the right exit and I channeled some borrowed courage, I decided to try to make conversation with him.  No one wants to kill someone you've established a connection with...right?  His wife was in the front seat, (Yes, his wife was with him....I know.  I have trust issues!  Leave me alone.) Turns out she was pregnant. ( I know...I need help.)  They were from Mississippi so their southern accent was hard for my one good ear to decipher.

Turns out they were really nice people with trust issues too.  I hate my stupid brain!  Anyways, I noticed that he had some pretty wild tattoos across his knuckles and wrist and hands but they had all been blackened so they were all just now solid rectangles.  He asked if there were a lot of Mormons in this town and Spencer started talking about the church and his mission.  He asked if they knew anything about the church and the guy said he didn't but he had seen some young missionaries once on a "crusade."

He said, "I respect Christians and all but I'm not one.  I know that Mormons have some good values.  I wish I had been raised with some good values.  I had to take the long way around to being a good person.  There's one thing I just don't get about Christians."

"What's that?"  Spencer asked.
"I don't understand the whole thing about repentance.  I don't get why you have to go in and confess and repent every day.  Why don't you all just live right the first time?  Why can't you just not sin?"

I was so proud of Spencer to see him in action as a missionary!  Meanwhile, I'm still white knuckled in the backseat.

Turns out, I'm glad I went on that little drive.  His simple thought made so much sense to me...why not just live right the first time?

Once we got inside to the DMV and they paid us cash and we signed the 72 page bill of sale I made,  (Just kidding...I did make a bill of sale though but just a page) He asked to see my driver's license and spent a great deal of time studying that to make sure it all matched the Title etc.  He made it clear that too many times, he had been lied to and taken advantage of.  So really, we were kindred spirits!

By the time we left just over an hour later, I was overwhelmed with love for these total strangers who I had already been kidnapped by...in my head of course.  I wanted to give them back their money and just let them have the car.  They clearly didn't have much.  He worked at Walmart somewhere in a distant city and he was just trying to get his wife a good car for when the baby arrived.  He was clearly a very loving and kind man who really seemed to understand what it means to be a child of God.

I think I have to wake up and prove my worthiness over and over and pout over my imperfect ways and repent and repent and try again and again and beat myself up for being 'less than',  instead of just accepting that I have worth no matter what, to my loving Father in Heaven.  Maybe I just make life so much harder than it needs to be.  Live right the first time.

I look at the world and all the anger and division and then I see the opportunity I almost missed to get to know these people.  They taught me great lessons today about loving one another, tolerance and not to judge...which is even more interesting because I've been on my high horse this week about judging. I even sent Spencer a long winded email about not judging things that seem impossible and giving God a chance to show us the meaning in impossible things.   My day would have been fine without the experience but it was made better because of it.

I just really need to keep my mind from escaping from me!  Seriously.  I am the high jump to conclusions winner!  A clear winner.      



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1 comment:

  1. I thought I was the only one whose brain does that!! LOL!!!

    ReplyDelete