Monday, September 5, 2016

Same Hurt, Different Heart

I love the lyrics from the song Merry Go Round by Kacey Musgraves

It's not like this is the first time I am realizing that everyone hurts, it's just that it's the first time the thought has impacted me so much.

Yesterday, I listened to more than one person in different venues tell of how absolutely alone they felt in their heartache.  I think it is becoming an epidemic.  While we can't know everyone's heartache and we can't fix the heartaches we do know about, we can certainly try harder to offer a little more understanding and love and a little less criticism, advice and judgment.

We can't possibly know what it feels like to be someone else.  We can't possibly say what we would do given the very same set of circumstances so it does no good to do anything but meet them where they are at.  Sometimes, especially when there are no possible human efforts to fix a situation, just showing up to the front door of someone's life to witness their journey is more than a lonely, suffering heart needs.  

I am realizing more each day that this is exactly what I need to learn with my kids.  We are all dealing with way more than just health problems but those happen to the be problems I am more apt to talk about here.  We are all feeling the same fall out from the same problems but in different ways.  Very different ways... and we all handle the stress and anxiety, in our own creative ways. We are going through all this together...but alone.  I can't possibly understand what it feels like to any one of my children.   They will never understand what it feels like to be me.

Last night was sort of rough.  Spencer had not been feeling well all day and had to come home from church early.  He spent the better part of the day sleeping.  By evening, he was really suffering.  His heartbeat was incredibly slow and he was having a hard time feeling his lower legs, probably due to lack of circulation.  As time wore on, he was out of it; could barely raise his hand to scratch his ear.  His dad and I were really worried and wondered if we needed to take him to the ER.  We deliberated for longer than we probably should have but around 10pm, I decided that the hospital wouldn't do anything but confirm what we already knew, his heart was irregular and slow.  He has been having some pretty significant GI issues the past few days, worse than usual so I began to think that maybe he was suffering from some dehydration on top of it all.

In light of that thought, I ran to the grocery store and got some Gatorade, hoping that re-hydration with electrolytes might help somewhat.  I had the feeling that maybe treating him like a Mitochondrial patient might be beneficial too.  When someone with mito has a 'crash' or a 'brown-out', they can experience similar symptoms to what Spencer was feeling.  I have been reading more and more about the connection between short telomeres and the mitochondria.

I followed through with my thoughts and hurried home.  He was able to drink some and I got some Magnesium in him and a banana just to support his heart health and soothe his gut a little and then helped him to bed.  This morning, he was feeling better and hopefully, he has a good day.  It's a tradition that the kids and their dad hit up the State Fair on Labor Day.

Back to my original thought...I was glad that my kids are starting to realize that we all hurt and we all hurt differently.  I was so glad to see them giving each other a little more slack and a lot more patience today as the morning didn't start out as planned.  It's a journey and though we aren't perfect, we are trying.


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