Sunday, June 12, 2016

Lots of work

It is interesting how much life can change and has changed in just a few weeks, perhaps it's just been days.
One evening, Shelbie and I sat on the stoop watching Sam ride the penny board with Bentley

Brothers making videos together-  I love this picture so much!!

Bowling with Sam- Blacklight bowling and I beat him!! 151 for a personal best!  



There is a different feeling in the house now that Sam has graduated.  Maybe it's just a shift in energy and now that I think about it, perhaps it's just me who has changed...is changing.

The point is not lost on me that I have to change my role as a mother;  I have to change the way we do things.  I can't expect or assume that dinner will be eaten as a family.  Now, we all have commitments and different expectations.

Curfews are a thing of the past, yet, my worry when I don't know when they are coming home or where they have been didn't seem to get the memo that things are different when you have adult children.

Family scripture study has to be revamped.

Family Home Evening isn't the same...that's been different all year actually.  As I look back on our life, it's the one thing I can say without a doubt, we succeeded in doing faithfully.  

It's been hard work to mentally let these things go or at least change.  I've been trying to come up with ways to continue to have a positive influence on my kids, stay connected, yet still let them grow, mature and develop their own personal traditions of discipleship and adulthood.  

It is not just going to happen on it's own.  Unless we carve out time when we can connect, and make extra efforts, we will drift apart.  So, it's going to take some work.  Lots of work.  Constant effort to maintain our emotional closeness even though we are in further, physical proximity to one another.

The real struggle is, that I'm just not ready to be done mothering them in the way I've always mothered.  I realized that the one thing I am really going to miss is seeing them grow and develop in their relationship with God.  Being a parent is such a sanctifying project.  Such a rewarding endeavor when you see them figuring life out, even in the midst of mistakes. I'm sure it will all work out but it's a time of transitioning and trying to figure out this new chapter of adulting.

I think it's safe to say that right now, we are all in the Wilderness of Wandering.  When I think about how hard things are for us right now, I just say... WOW.  All of us have something we are grappling and struggling with.  As I look out on my little flock, I see how they are already growing apart and becoming satellites from each other.  They will only venture back around every now and again.  They are missing the struggle of each other because they are so focused on trying to figure themselves out and where they fit in this world of adversity and change.  With that, my influence seems to be fading too and that is sort of heartbreaking.  Not that I have some magical influence over them but how are they ever going to know what not to do in life if they don't see my blunderings every single day?

As I reflect on the week, I realize how blessed I am that I got to spend some time visiting with Spencer on the phone and celebrate his new job this week.  I got to spend a couple of hours with Sam bowling and I still have one day a week when Shelbie as she spends the day getting plasma pumped in her at home; we get to laugh and connect.  And last night, in a rare moment, both kids came home about the same time.  I had chosen to stay up and wait for them, so all of us got to laugh and snack in the kitchen at 1 in the morning.  I tell you, it's those moments that are priceless to me.

So, today at church, I had an epiphany.  I thought of a project I am going to engage in to keep us together in heart and spirit.  I'm going to get started today.  Hopefully, fingers crossed it can be a new tradition in our family that will help me handle this wandering and transitional stage a little better.  More on that later...for now, I'm going to keep it under wraps.



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2 comments:

  1. I'm excited to see what it is!

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  2. Kathy, you have such depth to your soul, such a gift of expression, & an unmatched sense of humor.

    ReplyDelete