Tuesday, March 1, 2016

Scanxiety

It's just after 6 am at the Huntsman Cancer Hospital in Salt Lake City.  The sun has yet to arise.  They just took Shelbie back for her first ever PET scan.  I can't go with her.  I knew I couldn't go but when they told me why, I winced just a little.

"She will be radioactive for a couple of hours so you can't be near her."
"Oh...I understand."  I don't though.  I don't understand any of this.  I don't understand how it is we are here in the first place.

All I could think about was our Pulmonologist telling me last year, "NO more X-rays or scans for her for as long as you can hold off.  Too much radiation is going to create a situation for cancer to grow given her condition."  Today, she's radioactive.

So, to amuse myself all night while I laid in bed listening to the palpitations of my own heart, I came up with some vocabulary words you will need to learn today for your cancertainment!

Let's begin!

SCANXIETY- noun \ scan-'zi-a-tee
Nervousness about upcoming scans.  
Kathy is having scanxiety about the PET scan Shelbie is having this morning to determine if she has cancer, and where.

SCANXIOUS- adjective\ skan(k)-shes
Afraid or nervous about what may happen.
Kathy is scanxious about Shelbie's PET scan.  Shelbie doesn't seem scanxious at all.  Shelbie is brave.

SNACCIDENT- verb \ snax-eh-dent
When a snack is consumed in an accidental or regrettable way.
Kathy ate a 2 lb bag of Swedish Fish at 6:30 in the morning when they took Shelbie away for a PET scan.  It was a snaccident.

SMOTHER- noun \ sma-TH-er
A mother suffering from scanxiety in another State, attempting to overcompensate for missing out on her son's life with an overuse of texting, emojis, and helium booth apps.
Sam said to his friend, 'Wait, I have another text message from my Smother.'
"Imagine that, another text from my Smother." Sam said
"You can't spell smother without mother." Sam told his friends

Well, there you have it.  Dyscanction is happening all around today...(Impaired behavior caused from an obscene amount of scanxiety.)

Last night, we met Spencer for dinner.  He had a meeting at 6 and thought it would only be 45 minutes but two hours later, he finished.  I hadn't eaten anything all day and was tired and Hangry so we just went to the nearest dive by our Hotel.  It happened to be a pub.  In the front of the restaurant was the Pub but the back was just a regular place.  They had large TV screens set up, as one would imagine but you would think they would be showing a ball game or something...

Nope, the Mormon Tabernacle Choir was on every TV screen in the place- The Spoken Word to be exact.  I laughed and laughed at the irony of that.  I laughed and laughed at what a horrid mother I was taking my children to a Pub for dinner where we listened to the MO-Tab choir.  I can't make this stuff up folks!

So, this is what is happening in my little world today.  In theory, someone is going to know if my daughter has cancer in 2 more hours.  I probably won't know for several hours, days, weeks...I've stopped counting on things.  Nothing like the power of Hope to create an obscene amount of depression at times.  I prefer the power of reality.  I prefer humor, sarcasm, and anything else to keep life light right now.

Well, I better go, I feel another snaccident coming on.





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1 comment:

  1. I love your sense of humor! Praying for the best possible outcome!

    ReplyDelete