Saturday, March 5, 2016

One Thousand...

Yesterday, marked my 1000th blog post on this blog!  I couldn't believe that!

Tonight, I downloaded it all into PDF format and it amounts to over 1500, 8 1/2 X 11 pages of journal entries.  I am told often that I need to write a book...well, there you go. I have. I think it's more like an encyclopedia of dysfunction.  It could be a new installment of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.

I'm not sure who in my family or future posterity if I have any, or total strangers for that matter, would ever sit down to read 1500 pages describing the less than exciting life I have lived. I could probably sum it up in 6 sentences if I tried.  Then to consider I have, or had, at one point, 4 different blogs all outlining the different compartments of my life...I have close to 3000 posts and nearly 4000 pages of writing.  I'm going to need a small windfall in order to actually print it, if I ever decide to do that.

Then, add to that...the more than 20 pen and paper journals I have kept since 1999. that I see this all in writing, I think I may have a problem.  I think I'm addicted to writing! Sheesh...You can tell I have no life to speak of because I seemingly spend it all writing.  Actually, I am sort of embarrassed now!

I remember when I reached 100 posts.  I was so happy with my accomplishment!  It has been a learning experience for me, a social experiment if you will.  Going through my blogs tonight, I noticed that the entire year of 2007 is missing from my original blog, Nutnyys (Nuttin Wise).

That was the year that Shelbie had her first experience with chemotherapy.  She had to have weekly infusions of the drug VinCristine.  That was the first year, I realized I might actually lose my kids to this disease.  There were other times, I was scared because of what we were going through, but not like this.  Chemotherapy was the last resort drug to try and rescue the measly 1000 platelets Shelbie was clinging to.  It was 9 months of that awful drug!  Lost hair, lost weight, lost her life as she had known it.   It's never been the same since then.   It was a year I didn't write one word.  Nothing.  It was the most devastating year of my life.

As I think back, I can see how far I have come in handling my trials.  There are still feelings I don't dare write about as we move through our current troubles.  There are worries and fears that stay beyond the keyboard.  They are too raw to even entertain.  Looking back I can see that we have not had one easy year in a long time.  Not one year that someone wasn't fighting for their health.  It's hard to believe what we have lived through, really.

I'm a little surprised that I am not more excited about 1000 posts.  Now I have to wonder what the point to all this writing is...


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