Thursday, February 4, 2016

Weights and measures

I heard it said once, that each of our stories bears a weight.

We all have a story.  Many stories.  We measure ourselves and each other up by the stories we tell.  Often, when we don't understand something, the story takes on a life of it's own.  As humans, we have this innate need to make sense of something and we do that with stories.  Stories that bear the weight of the unknown.  Somehow, that makes it better regardless of how much truth is in the story.  If it makes more sense than reality, our own or someone else's, that's the version of life we run with.

Today, our story is hard and heavy.  It's been a hard week of trying to be patient and focused.  There has been no shortage of people making up stories about us and that is a hard trial in itself, everything else aside.  There has been no shortage of stories we have made up for ourselves to make this journey make more sense.

I don't understand why all of this is going so slow.  I don't understand God's timing.  I guess you could say, I lost my place in God's story for Shelbie, for me, for us. I'm not even sure I'm in the right chapter. I can't find the reason or rhyme for this.

  I have questioned myself over and over.  Maybe I made a mistake in measuring what I thought was God's will for Shelbie.  I know that there are some who think this was just some dramatic moment that will never amount to anything; I've already heard those comments.  That will be a story you may hear but it's not my story.

I can't deny what I have felt and seen the past three months.  God is up to something and Shelbie is the main character in his story of redemption right now.  There are people whose lives have changed dramatically in ways I know are for the peace and happiness of Shelbie.  This many people can't be affected for this to be nothing.

Let's review...

Little Bear is here for us.  I know that now.  She has needed to be loved and Shelbie was the perfect person to love her this month.  It has kept Shelbie's sights on eternity.

Our old friends from 7 years ago, made a visit the second week in January, days before we thought anything was wrong with Shelbie.  They announced they were moving back.  They don't really know why, the job he is taking won't even be able to pay him for months!  This girl rescued Shelbie in one of the most horrific teen years we have ever experienced.  They were best friends.  This wasn't a move they were going to mull over.  The spirit said move and they are moving.  They will be here tomorrow!   When they told me they were coming back, I had the most overwhelming feeling of foreboding joy.  I said to myself, "Something is going to happen...they are coming back for us.  I'm going to need her."

Our newest friends, the elderly couple we met at Rehab last summer, have a part to play in this.  They call Shelbie every other day and love on her.  They have given her a reason to smile.   Their part is still developing but I know Heavenly Father has placed them in our life for a good purpose.

My parent's lives have changed dramatically and undeniably, they will now be able to spend time with us.  Shelbie loves her grandparents more than anything.  They have an amazing time together and we need them.

Oddly, my Wasband's family decided last month to make a trip back here to spend a week this month.  No special reason.  Just because...but I know it is for a special reason.  Who comes here in the month of February...the worst month of the year!

There's more but I will save that for some other time.

For today...the weight of this story is heavy and I am tired and it's hard to bear. It feels impossible to measure our progress spiritually.  It feels like we are just stuck.  Shelbie was in a lot of pain last night and I didn't know what to do for her.  I can't make it stop and I don't even know what is causing it...and that makes my head start jumping ahead in the story when the chapter has yet to be written...

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