Tuesday, February 9, 2016

If nothing else...

We are being refined while we wait.

Not a day goes by that I haven't learned something...for good...or for bad.

Not a day goes by that the Lord doesn't speak to me through some unsuspecting channel.

Not a day goes by that I wonder what God has in store for us.

The story of the day is our continued wait!  The long wait.  It's getting old.  It's getting tiresome.  It's getting to be the joke of the week I think.  Like, it must not be that big of a deal if nothing is happening...how can that be?  How does that happen?

I don't know.

But, I learned this today...from Robert D. Hales- Sometimes, the waiting isn't about God slow to make plans for us, maybe it's more about me/us.  Maybe I'm just not ready for God's big plans.  Maybe, I'm slow to grow. Maybe, in all this waiting and uncertainty, there is a gift, a tender mercy...or my favorite, a post card from Heaven yet to be received; recognized.

This thought struck a chord with me.  Never before have I thought of waiting in these terms.

And actually...there was a glimmer of hope today that things are finally on the move and wouldn't you know it...I feel a slight twinge of panic...maybe I'm not ready to find out what this is that Shelbie has.

We met with our family doc yesterday and low and behold, the new Seattle doc completely dropped the ball.  There has been no communication, no promised conference call, no planned execution of plans.  Nope.  In fact, our doctor was completely lost.  He thought he sent the referral and the rest was history.

He was very good to listen and very good to take charge.  His nurse called me today and all of the records have been transferred to University of Utah/Huntsman Cancer center.  The nurse contacted me today to tell me that she received those records and have looked them over.  Their team of hematologists/oncologists will be meeting in the morning to discuss her case and decide which doc will best serve her.   I am guessing we will hear back on a date Thursday or Friday.

While visiting in our doctor's office Monday, I asked why we can't just have a local surgeon do the biopsy.  He reminded me that we are dealing with the Aorta.  Not a lot of people really want to start playing around with scalpels and unknown tissue that is sitting, swollen and enlarged on the aorta, right by the renal arteries.  Duh...I guess I forgot that smallish detail.  So...of course, we will wait.

Everyday, I am learning that God really does know best.  Rather than have a spiritual panic attack and meltdown, snatching back our problems to shoulder on our own, in our time, He really does have this figured out.  I want to trust him more. I don't want to engage in spiritual panicking, as Sharon Eubanks said in her BYU-I devotional last year.  I want to be calm, engaged, trusting, patient.  I've blown it a dozen times already but the important point, is that it doesn't last long and try again.  Right?  Isn't that the point?

Even as I type this, and an appointment is coming and things are moving...just what I wanted...I want to panic! Am I ready for what is coming next?  What if I'm not?  Maybe waiting isn't so bad!

Good grief...being a fallen, mortal being is rough some days!!  Rough I tell you!

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