Thursday, December 31, 2015

12 Tiny Truths of 2015

Tonight, I'm staying up, not to ring in the new year, just to make sure 2015 actually ends and shuts the door behind it on the way out.  I am going to use this post, just to review some of the tiny truths I have learned the past 12 months.

 I am not going to use this post to say how much I am looking forward to a new year...yadda, yadda, yadda!  Not going to say it because...Well, let's just get to the truths for this year, shall we?

Tiny truth #1: Life is hard...really hard.  When you think you know what hard is, just wait, it's about to get harder.

Tiny truth #2: Trials adhere to the old adage; line upon line.  This means that each trial builds upon the last.  We learn valuable truths from one trial to apply to the next.  The level of skill required to take on our trials increases so you better have learned it right the first time...just sayin'.

Tiny truth #3:  The skill level of our trials is right up there around expert but our skill set seems to be stuck at 'dumb and dumber'.   Apparently, this can happen.  So, 2016 is shaping up to be an interesting year with this combination unless I gain some intelligence in the next 8 hours.

Tiny truth #4: Dogs can eat a two pound box of chocolates, they found in a zipped and buckled messenger bag, and all the tin foil they came wrapped in and survive.

Tiny truth #5: After the dog eats a two pound box of chocolates and tin foil, you're gonna wish you had a doggie door.

Tiny truth #6: The human heart can take a lickin' and keep on tickin'

Tiny truth #7: Heaven is for real. And so is a mid-life's a terrible experience but is actually good news.  Two of my kids this week, had dreams I died but I am clearly having a mid-life crisis, so at age 47, if this is mid-life then I calculate my actual death, not a dream death to be in another 47 years!  What a relief.  More time to keep screwing up and my kids to dream up more ways for me to die.  Just in case I do die soon, I did scrawl out my Last Will and Testament...The first line says..."Surprise!  I have no money to offer you, just debt.  Sorry.  Oh, and no life insurance either!  I thought I was invincible." (I'm not kidding...I really wrote that...with some sincere apology for being a financial loser.)

Tiny truth #8: It's not so bad being the poster child for mental illness...who doesn't love swinging from one irrational mood to the next?

Tiny truth #9: I can do a hard thing and maybe even enjoy the adrenaline rush that comes in doing it but doing more than one hard thing is just...well...hard.  And not much fun.  I tend to enjoy fun things as opposed to hard things.

Tiny truth #10: Human beings are slobs.  I have plenty of experience to fairly judge the human race.  I have been cleaning up after them for the past 7 years.  The ability for people to make a mess and not notice, is astounding.

Tiny truth # 11: There are some people who actually don't have enough to worry about and need to harp on about all their little injustices that really aren't.   That amazes me really, not enough to worry about?  If you fall into this category, gimme a call, I will share some worries with you and even some anxieties if you want.

Tiny truth #12: Lupus bites.  Salmonella sucks.  Dyskeratosis Congenita is dreadful.  Being an empty nester is for the birds, not me. You can't bleach your hair from dark brown to medium blond in one sitting and I hope you love the color orange. Keeping busy distracts you from how incredibly dysfunctional you are.  Sometimes, the friends you count on can't be counted but the strangers show up and somehow, that's enough.  (I sorta added a few extra truths.)

As a bonus...Tiny truth #13: I am ending this year in a bit of mess. If I had a dollar every time someone said to me, "Well, this is nothing new."  or  " Good thing you are use to problems." Remember this tiny truth...everything is new to a person dealing with chronic health problems.  Every experience, trial, hardship, problem...brings with it a new emotional experience.  I will never get use to watching my kids suffer and worry.  Never.  Life only gets harder and that is the truth.  The ugly truth.  I would like to think that we get use to it, that things get easier but that is not the case.

I've listened to these remarks my entire adult life and I believed it...or, I believed I should be handling it all better than I was.  I regret that I bought into that because now that I am admitting to myself that this is hard, I feel weak and less than perfect...or whatever that feeling is.

One of my favorite songs by Hillary Weeks is, He'll carry you.  There is a line she has written that says, "When no earthly words can take away your sorrow and no human eyes could see what you're going through.  When you've taken your last step, and done all that you can do,  He will lift your heavy load and carry you."

My last tiny truth is that I know what it feels like to have no one left in your life but your Savior.  I know that He and my Father in Heaven have carried me for most of the year.  They have given me more patience, more grace, more love than I probably deserve.  And...That's the truth!



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