Sunday, November 1, 2015

What I learned this weekend

I learned a lot this past weekend.

I learned that I have one nerve left...This is actually not new information but for the most part, I keep my fraying nerve to myself.  Along with a frayed nerve comes a little dysfunction, or maybe a lot of dysfunction.  So, Shelbie and I decided we needed a little break and so we went to a movie.  During the movie, Spencer called.  I tried to make my way out of the theater so I could answer it but by the time I got out, he had hung up.  I called him straight back but no answer.  At this point, my mind got away from me.  I figured he had taken himself to the ER and was calling to tell me.  I called back over and over.  I texted him...still nothing.

So, I called his dad and he didn't answer.  I was freaking out!  Irrationally of course.  Finally, a half hour later, Spencer called me back.  He just wanted to say hi.  That's all.  I need to work on how far and fast I jump to conclusions.

I also learned this weekend that everyone has a story and within that story is a struggle.  A plot that is thick with emotional angst. Saturday afternoon, I ran into someone who I haven't exactly liked,  not for any particular reason.  I cordially asked how things were going.  They weren't going well.  Not well at all.  I was surprised by how soft my heart became towards them.  It was interesting that the feelings they were struggling with were nearly identical to what I struggled with at the beginning of the year.  I was glad I could share with them the things that helped me get back on track.  As we left, the husband said, "It was a really good thing I ran into you tonight. I really needed your help. I was feeling pretty hopeless."  I learned that we all suffer with something.  We need each other.

I learned that we are in deep trouble with Spencer.  Tonight, I am waffling between going to Utah tomorrow to hold an intervention!  Not really...but sort of.  Spencer called me early this morning, he has been his sickest yet and down another pound this week.  Ahhh...I am really at a loss.  I am thinking I need to...I don't know what I need to do.  I talked with him tonight again, third time today and we just can't figure anything out.  I really wish he would consent to take a couple of days off from work and school so we can get to the doctors, but he won't.  He is committed to his employer to be there and work hard.  He is committed to school because it costs so much money.  I can't get him to see how important his health is.

Surprisingly, I not freaking out, just worried.  There's a difference...there is.  I'm in an okay place to be dealing with this right now.  I'm incredibly busy with work and feel a little anxious about how I am going to meet all my deadlines but I just have to have faith that it will work out.

So...everyday, I'm learning something new about the world, the people around me, myself, my kids and my Savior.  And I continue to learn that life is just hard sometimes...for everyone.


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