Monday, October 5, 2015

The Parable of the Tightrope

Sunday evening, when the shadows were long and the sun was low in the sky, Sam and I headed to the park for a little fresh air and slack-lining.  If you've never heard of the sport, it's a 2"wide webbing that you secure between two trees, about 6' off the ground and then walk across it and do tricks on it, like a tight rope.   Yes, you read that right...do tricks.

Sam loves to slack-line.  He is pretty darn good too!  I love to watch him practice but I don't get the chance very often.  Actually, I think Sam likes it so much because girls like to watch him.  There was a never ending audience of young college girls and even a photographer who asked if she could take his picture. I can't say I complained much since the people who stopped to talk to Sam thought I was his friend...not his mom!  ha ha.

Back to the story...



I decided I wanted to try to get up on that web so with Sam's help, I made it up.  My legs shook and wobbled as I tried to walk across the length.  My eyes were fixed on my feet.  I must have looked like a small toddler just taking its first steps, legs weak and rubbery as they learn to maneuver across the room.

After a while, Sam said, "Mom, don't look at your feet.  Look at the end of the rope where it is tied to the tree.  If you focus ahead, you will have better balance and your legs will stop shaking so much.  I didn't take my eyes off that tiny rope below but since Sam was beside me, with a steady arm to hold, I looked up.

Sure enough, my legs stopped wobbling and I was able to walk the length forward and backward without any trouble at all!

I said, "Sam! You are so smart!  This is just like life you know?"
"Ya, I know mom.  If you just focus on your problems, you are going to lose your balance and it's going to be hard to get through them.  If you focus on the bigger picture, look ahead and trust God, then you can balance and make it through."
"Yes!  That is so true!"

This isn't exactly a new concept but it hit me extra hard.  I know I need to stop focusing on the difficulties right now and look ahead.  We left the park with me feeling much more confident about our situation....

BUT....

Funny how those Ah-ha moments can be so fleeting!  Because today, at rehab, Shelbie's heart was not doing well!  They have two computer screens that monitor everyone on the equipment.  You can see the heart rhythms of everyone, right there.  There were 9 rhythms up on the screen and I noticed one was out of control.  You could hardly call it a rhythm.  I went over to the nurse and asked her which one was Shelbie's and she pointed to the one all out of whack!  Sheesh!  I couldn't believe it.  

Not only that, her blood pressure was only 90 over 60 and her saturation was barely above 90.  She was weak, tired and lightheaded.  In an instant, I could feel my insides wobbling again!  It's so frustrating that I have to be so human!

We made it home, but I had to rush off again.  I have been working since 7am!  It's 11pm and I am still not done working. I came home around 5 just to grab some things for my evening meetings and Sam met me at the door with a little bad news of his own.  More bloody stools for him.  Good grief!  I don't even know what is happening to us! He was bothered but was feeling okay so I just let him go out with his friends and I went to work.  I felt horrible but sitting around staring at each other isn't going to accomplish anything.

I kept reminding myself to look farther ahead and not worry about this moment.  It kind of works but it takes a ton of energy.

Well, that's a day in the life of me.  Still more work to do tonight.  When I have to spend so much time at the hospital, it means I have to spend half the night working on my job that actually pays for all those hospital visits...oh and food.  I forgot that my kids like to eat occasionally.

Tomorrow, morning, it starts all over again at 6 am...bright and early.  I wonder what tomorrow will bring?

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