Tuesday, July 7, 2015

It's all my fault

Here's a mind bender for you...

Most of the time, as parents, we screw up!  We make both large and small mistakes.  Hopefully, we discover our mistakes, course correct and carry on.  Sometimes though, you find out too late that a mistake was made and there is nothing that can be done now except for therapy.

Sometimes, you find out about those mistakes in the pillow aisle at Walmart, while a Walmart employee stands by pretending to work just to find out how the argument ends.  ;)  Other than the nosy Walmart employee, it's not a bad place to pick a family fight; there's plenty of sound absorbing materials in the pillow and memory foam aisle.

There's your Tuesday life hack! (You will want to repin this for safe keeping and fight nicely reminders!)

So...what is my crime?  I'm a little embarrassed to admit it...

I am being accused of keeping us a close family and raising my kids to love each other...TOO MUCH!  But that's not all...I am also being accused of being such a loving mother!

This is true!  There was more arguing over these two points than the bridge jumping incident last week.  Real, honest to goodness yelling and lots of tears! I was just sort of speechless.  I mean, what's a loving mother to do? Yell back?

The problem coming at us at warp speed is change.  It's been happening for the past two years really but it's intensifying.  Spencer leaving was the start of it.  That single event was so traumatizing to Shelbie, she can hardly stand to hear his letters, she gets so homesick for him.  She cries each time we've been able to Skype with him.  It's been a very hard change for her.  Now that he is coming home, she is afraid that he is going to turn around and leave her again for greener pastures.  She is beside herself with the unknowns of how the next few weeks will play out.

She handles this by snapping at everyone!  Poor Sam is at the center of her moods because he is gone all the time and won't hang out and do anything with her.

Sam is also going through the same anxiety.  He is excited for Spencer to come home but nervous about how Spencer has changed, how he has changed, maybe they won't like each other.  Maybe this...maybe that...The Wasband is trying to convince Spencer to move in with him and that is adding a little fuel to the anxiety for everyone.  The kids really don't want to be separated again.  They want things to be how they use to be before he left.

Sam has been really moody lately.  To the point that I want him to start back up on his anti-depressants so before dinner, I opened that can of worms.  He admitted that for the first time in months, he doesn't feel sick and he hasn't had to go to the doctors in a couple of months.  He knows that bone marrow biopsies are coming up and he doesn't want to do it.  Then add the anxiety of Spencer coming home and possibly leaving...he's wanting to be numbed out with activities every second of every long day so he doesn't have to face reality.

So...back to the pillow aisle.  Sam had mentioned while at Walmart that he needed a new pillow, which he really does!  He asked nicely if I could afford that.  Shelbie went off like a 4th of July Firecracker!

That's when I threw down the proverbial pillow, called a truce and said, "THAT'S ENOUGH YOU TWO!!!  WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON? STOP FIGHTING!!!"

Then everyone started crying...the above truths finally spilled out...and then we managed to get somewhere!  AND...that's when the bottom line came down that I have ruined them with love.  Loving them no matter how naughty they have been.  Teaching them to love each other no matter what.  Teaching them to love others.  Making them serve each other...it all boils down to the fact that life is changing, they are growing up...changing.

Then the classic line from Shelbie, "WHY?  Why did you do that to us?  Most parents don't like their kids by the time they are 18 and the kids don't like each other and they all just want to go their separate ways!  Why didn't that happen to us?  Why do you like us so much?  It would be so much easier if you didn't!"

I know...it's funny to read it.  Sad, oh so sad to hear it.  It's true.  We love each other so much.  We are hanging on for dear life to each other.  Change sucks!   It didn't help that I told her earlier in the day that my parent's are moving back to Canada, farther North than I will ever be able to drive in a day to see them.  That weeping came out in the pillow aisle too...My kids adore their grandparents.

I am glad we have this problem, however, it makes the inevitable changes of life almost unbearable.  Really.  For all of us.  I might have to start dropping Valium tablets in their Dr. Pepper each morning before we all head off to a therapy session or two because I am such a rotten mom!  Where was CPS during all this love?  Why didn't they stop me from myself?  Why didn't they tell me I was doing it all wrong?    Sheesh!


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