Thursday, May 21, 2015

Well...this is crazy!

I can't make this up...

I have a kidney stone.   So, our grand tally of diseases and disorders is 3 in the last 48 hours.  I'm less than amused.

I didn't hear back from my doctor last night so I assumed the scans I did at the hospital had come back normal and the kidney pain was just from Lupus.  Well, I heard back this afternoon.

Let the fun begin!  Or should I say let the harvesting begin.

Who knew having a kidney stone could be so complicated.

You know me, I'm an over achiever so the doctor said drink a pint of water per hour.  I decided to drink three or four per hour.  That's no fun.  I can promise you this FYI, a kidney stone hurts much less when you are dehydrated.  When you have a steady river bombarding your little kidneys like a tsunami, it hurts.  A lot. Makes me not want to drink one more drop.  I would rather live with the pain I had prior to hydration than the pain I have post hydration.  Did I mention pressure?

So, in case you haven't had the pleasure of giving birth to calcium oxylate, (kidney stone) I'm going to fill you in on the fun.  They call it a stone but in reality, it's more like a star fish with daggers on each pointed limb.  At the end of each dagger is a fish hook.  Why are they shaped like this you ask?

Well, they really like residing in kidneys.  Not in bladders.  Not in Ureters.  Just your kidneys. Rather than slosh around in there, they really like to hunker down to assure they don't get washed away at the first sign of thirst.  Those daggers and hooks are only so effective because eventually, they must leave.

Now, if it was a stone, it would just roll on out of there at the first sign of water and not put up a big stink.  But no, it has to be a starfish with daggers and hooks and leaves clawing it's way down your internal plumbing.  Keep in mind, I have yet to experience the grand exit but I'm bracing myself because as you know, there are no shortage of kidney stone horror stories to prime you for the event.

Right now, I still get to enjoy the anticipation of the exit every 15 minutes when I  run back to the chambers.  You can't just sit yourself down and get to business.  NO, you have to pee in a hat.  That's right...What's that?  A hat?...Never mind...It catches the urine and then you get to strain it.  Basically, the whole process takes a little over an hour.  Maybe I'm exaggerating a touch...suffice it to say...what a nuisance.  I don't necessarily need a souvenir of this week, I'm not sure why the doctors do.

Upon hearing this cheerful news.  I went down on the water, determined to get that sucker out sooner than later.  Here's a visual... the hat doesn't hold as much liquid as the amount I drank in under 5 minutes. Things got messy real quick.  And, when you've had three kids who took great pleasure in kicking the crap out of your bladder while they rented space from you for 9 months, you can't just stop what's already been started if you get what I mean.  In simple terms, what goes in, must come out, except of course for starfish with daggers  AND  they should really make bigger hats for those of us who like to do a job right.

I wonder what is in store for me tomorrow!! I can hardly wait.  It feels like Christmas.  The anticipation is killing me...or maybe that's the Lupus talking.


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