Friday, March 6, 2015

At 5:15

If it doesn't make you crazy first...our minds are really amazing and beautiful.

Our minds can absorb so much and either terrify us to death with the catastrophic places it can take us, or create scenarios of beauty and peace and often out of really bad situations we find ourselves in.  It's pretty amazing if you think about it...with your mind.


Yesterday, was sort of a laid back, get work done kind of day.

I realized at about 5:15 that I hadn't had one terrifying thought all day.


  • At 5:15, I realized that I forgot my kids were sick.
  • At 5:15, I realized that I was sitting at a stop light ...c.o.n.t.e.n.t.
  • At 5:15, I realized that I was breathing, just normal, deep breaths not the shallow panting that keeps my shoulders wrapped around my ears.
  • At 5:15, I looked over at Shelbie and we seemed normal!
  • At 5:15, I realized that Sam has been sneaking off to gym class twice a week...and I let him!


At 5:16...panic struck.


  • At 5:16, I realized that Shelbie's lungs are filled with damage that we probably won't be able to                                  reverse and she will forever be short of breath!
  • At 5:16, I realized that 5:15 doesn't happen very often lately.
  • At 5:16, I realized that I am so exhausted and I can't do one more month like the one we've had
  • At 5:16, I realized that my reality is like no one else's I know.
  • At 5:16, I realized that on Tuesday, I may be preparing two kids for heart surgery.
  • At 5:16, I realized that on Tuesday, I may be preparing Sam to accept that his heart isn't going to get better.
  • At 5:16, I wanted to cry...right there at the stop light... just one minute after 5:15.
  • At 5:16, I realized that this might closely resemble crazy, I mean real crazy.  I mean white jackets with extra long sleeves and silver buckles crazy! 
At 5:17...I realized that I'm doing the best I can and if I can have one minute of feeling pretty good than I guess that means I'm not totally crazy!   Right?


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