Thursday, February 5, 2015

The Highs and Lows of life

Yesterday was such a good day even though I had to hassle with hospitals and insurance companies and learn that we will continue to wait and wait to get Sam's final heart test done.

I called my Wasband to let him know it isn't going to happen anytime soon and he was pretty frustrated.  He wanted me to call around to other hospitals and find somewhere else we can take him.  I'm not doing that.  I have always tried to let my kids rest in the hands of the Lord, at least in the past 10 years or so.  In the past 10 years, I have watched two of my kids come very close to dying and those experiences taught me a lot.  They changed me in many ways, ways my Wasband didn't recognize.

Whether we get the test done today or in three weeks, the truth his God's plan is underway and I truly believe that we will all live out our numbered days here on earth.  I'm trying to patient in His plan but also in His timing.  I'm trying to understand why Medicaid is a good thing for us when now, it's holding up some very important tests.  But...timing, patience, it's all part of the package we signed up for.

So...what made yesterday a good day?

Well, for the first time since Thanksgiving...I had someone join me in my dark hole of this adversity.

I have been totally isolated in the sense that only one person has called to see how we are doing, or ask about Sam...last most people knew, he was having surgery to fix a hole in his heart between Christmas and New Years and he had a mini stroke the night before Christmas Eve.  I can't help but wonder...do people think he had surgery or what?  It seems so completely odd to me.  

Now we are facing the beginning of the way this story ends and honestly, I didn't realize how hard it would be.  I thought it would be different.  I thought I would be surrounded by friends.  I thought I would never have to face such a hard thing entirely alone.

Yesterday, I went to see my friend 'C'  She has been bed ridden for over 6 months!  She has three beautiful girls and a caring, loving husband.  The doctor's have all but given up on her situation and have not provided her with any hope of recovering from whatever has crippled her body.  She is getting ready to leave for some special treatment outside of the country and I wanted to say goodbye.
I wish I could spend every single day with her, waiting on her.  I know it would make me so happy but I have this little thing in my life called DC and a full time job or two so that is impossible but not a day goes by I don't think of her.

I went to see her with the idea that I would cheer her up, help her feel peace about her long journey ahead but as is usually the case, I left there being lifted myself.  Though we are going through totally different things, spiritually and emotionally, there isn't much difference.  We talked and connected on such an important level.  It made all the difference in the rest of my day.  I am so glad that God put her in my life even though I can't see her as much as I would like.  Our friendship is not of the traditional kind.  We don't get together at all, but we know each other better than most besties probably.

Later in the afternoon, I got a beautiful email from one of Sam's teachers.  She told me how grateful she felt to be his teacher and she has seen him work hard for her and set goals and she was really proud of him.  She was even impressed that Sam was laughing and joking with her yesterday.

It takes such a small effort to feel a huge return of the Savior's love.  I realized that help doesn't always come from the people you 'count' on every day.  I have prayed continually for someone to help me get through this, someone to understand, someone willing to witness how hard this is and it comes on days like this...out of the blue, from such unexpected sources.  I have also been blessed by the strangers who leave such kind comments on my blog.  Someday, I would like to meet them and let them know that their thoughtfulness was not just nice, but life saving.


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