Monday, February 23, 2015

Nesting

I remember being pregnant with all three kids, at separate times of course, and that end stage of being fat and you have the urge to clean everything in sight.  You make a pile of freezer meals and then wait for the baby to come and change your life forever.

This weekend, I had that very same feeling!  I couldn't work hard enough or fast enough to get everything done that was on my list.  I'm still in that mode.  In fact, this morning, I had to clean someone else's home and did a bunch of extra things for them too.  I'm not exactly sure what is happening with these feelings but I guess I may as well go with it.  My house is getting cleaned!

I enjoyed last week just being on cruise control.  There were frustrating days but for the most part, we clicked along like nothing out of the ordinary was happening to us.

Saturday, I felt super distracted which was a horrible thing.  I play the organ at the temple and I have never played so many epic mistakes like I did on Saturday.  It was like I had never played a piece of music before.  I didn't dare glance at the congregation, I could pretty much feel their glares on my burning hot face with each mistake.  I was so glad to when the hour was up!

Sunday, I felt the familiar waves of anxiety lapping across the day.  With each wave of anxiety came the urge to throw up but, I kept it together.

Today...I am so tired!!  Exhausted in every way, distracted and more anxiety. I feel like I just spilled a giant glass of milk all over the counter and I'm trying to scoop it all back into the glass with only my hands.  In my mind, I'm madly trying to achieve the impossible...save every drop of milk.

I guess, I feel like this week is the beginning of our glass of crazy being knocked over.  I am watching it unfold in the most surreal, slow motion playback in my brain!  I wonder how far and fast it will spill over the edges, unconstrained?





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1 comment:

  1. I didn't hear any mistakes in your temple playing :) Good luck with all the appointments-I'll be thinking about you guys.

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