Saturday, January 31, 2015

Casualties of life

I use to think the people blaming poor health, sleepless nights, depression, weight gain or whatever on stress, were just nuts.  Stress is used all the time as a crutch for poor behavior, or at least that is always what I have thought in my head.   And then, I would mutter to myself, 'You have no idea what stress is.'

I know...it was shallow and inconsiderate of me to feel like this.  I guess God has a way of humbling you because without a doubt, I have been bit by the bug of stress!  It has turned my world on end.  I admit it...My name is Kath and I am stressed!  There, I said it!

Last night I got to work just as most of the employees that work in the office that I clean were leaving.  I know them just in terms of saying 'Hi' and 'How's life?'  One lady, who was leaving stopped to ask about my kids.  I clean her mom's house so that is our connection, our only connection really.   Well, I said we were hanging in there but things weren't exactly good.  She started by saying she knows what it's like to have sick kids and began to tell me about her son who has had 6 open heart surgeries.  6!  He was born with a congenital heart defect...His pulmonary arteries were attached to the heart in the wrong place!!!

Sound familiar?  How does God do this?  Just put near strangers in your life?  There's always a blessing in these happenstance moments.

I don't usually open up to people but things just poured out.  All the pent up feelings of anger and resentment, sadness... but mostly anger and resentment.  She got it!  She understood it!  She had felt exactly what I felt.  Boy, did that feel good to finally get some of that out and not look bad or rude or selfish or cruel...just receive in return, understanding.  No judgment, no lectures that I shouldn't feel that way...just acceptance!  Man...I haven't felt that in...well, I can't remember when.

She was the last person to leave and all the lights in the building were off.  When she left and locked myself in, I slid down the wall in a far off exam room and a had a good cry; just released a little pressure of the week.

This morning, I was still exhausted even though I had slept pretty good.  I was ready 45 minutes early for work at the temple but decided to just go and take my time getting to the organ bench.  I enjoy just sitting in the chapel for a few minutes before I start playing, it helps me slow down.  I started out on my usual route to the temple, about a 5 min drive from where I live.  15 minutes later, I realized I was in the middle of the country in a small Podunk town by mine!  I was so confused as to how or why I was in the middle of nowhere! I scared myself!!

I quickly hurried back to town because now, I would surely be late for my shift!  I got to the temple, found an awesome parking spot, walked in, through the foyer where about 25 young adults were waiting.  I checked in and headed down the hall to the locker room.  It was then that I discovered I had not zipped up one of my boots!  My tall boots!  One was zipped, the other was flapping off to the side!  I had no idea it wasn't zipped until halfway to the locker room!

What a dork!  I'm sure all those 20 something college girls and boys and a good laugh at the mess of a person who had just walked in!

Man, I sat on the bench in the little cubicle and had a good laugh to myself!

Yep...stress!  I'm blaming all this forgetfulness on stress.  Sheesh...how annoying!

When I left, I double checked that everything was buttoned, zipped and tucked.  What a day!

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